Sloppy Seconds?

Shouldn't I have said...schloppy seconds? Call 1-800-ZA-ROCKS and cast your
vote today!

Anyways, i'm sitting here all freaked about my CD-burner because the reader
keeps making spinning up and slowing down and I'm really afraid I'm going to
experience the 18th case of 'buffer underrun' today. This is quite
stressing.

Hey, guess what? It's supposed to get up to like, 53 degrees up here in
Cleveland tomorrow! Woohoo!!! Here comes the sun! Tomorrow is gonna be
such a great, great day for me and everyone else (i hope). It's payday, I
work in the morning and will be going out w/friends at night, and of course
it's gonna be warm so I'm gonna be in the greatest mood EVER. Well, maybe
not 'ever' but at least we're seeing signs of spring. The worst is over.
Just another few short weeks until the leaves on trees start appearing, the
birds start chirping and new squirrel young emerge for Stink to hunt down!
I always said that Spring was my favorite season!

We don't have to wait as much time to celebrate the 20th anniversary of the
'Birth of ZA' 2 decades...who would've thunk it? I'm old...I'm reaaaly
getting ooooooold! I remember distinctly when I just turned 10! Wow have I
changed...in certain ways. In other ways I haven't.

So in closing I wish everyone a happy February -- hope everyone does well
with their studies -- and of course make sure that my fellow friends are
well-stocked with ZA and Pepsi!

Later ppl!
-Chris

I AM STILL CHRISTOPHER ROBIN

I've been doing a little more thinking during the past 2-3 minutes, and have
come up with a few weird and interesting thoughts. Deep thoughts...not ones
that wither away after the day goes by. I mean...REALLY memorable things
that I remember from when was only a little boy. NO -- I AM STILL
Christopher Robin. Just a little taller, that's all.

Enuff mish-mosh. In this E-ZA I look back 10 years and take a little mental
snapshot of myself back then, and now. Then I have done a virtual
compare/contrast on the right side of my cerebrum, and have felt the
strength and courage to put it into words with the left side of my cerebrum.
Happy now? Allright -- Let's get started!!!

Things that ZA did at 10 that he DOESN'T do NOW:
-Sorry, I no longer like the Washington Redskins (Super Bowl XXVI Champs)
-And I don't religiously watch the Simpsons and tape every episode
-I am no longer the 5th Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle
-I don't make tents in my basement and create little "flip-books" inside
them
-Neither do I have ninja-star fights with my older cousin Jenny
-Whoops! I don't wear glasses anymore! Thank God!
-I don't feel left out because I'm the only kid in the class without a copy
of Super Mario Bros. 3
-I no longer feel that playing Oregon Trail on the Apple IIe is the one
thing I think is most exciting in life.
-Sorry. I don't make tape recordings of 'talk shows' and schtuff.
-And I don't watch Wizard of Oz, Charlottes Web and TMNT the Movie twice per
week.
-I no longer waste 3/4 of my life in the summertime down in 'nowhereville'
out in Marblehead. Yeah, going to Cedar Point almost every day *was* fun
but I'd much rather be doing what "normal kids" did.
-I no longer get my $2/wk allowance. BOO!
-No more fights for me...I learned early on I guess - no more hostility to
anyone!
-I don't spend my free time writing out binary numbers from 1 to 1024
-I dont' spend my free time building 6-story cardhouses :)
-I don't spend my free time watching The Weather Channel
-I don't wake up to a bowl of Frosted Flakes and Mr. Wizard on Nickelodeon
-I don't spend my afternoons watching a smorgesboard of 'You can't do that
on television', 'Hey Dude', 'Salute your shorts', 'Wild and crazy kids' (and
i mean craaaazy)
-I don't spend my evenings watching 'Rescue 911', 'Unsolved Mysteries', and
'COPS'
-I no longer believe that I will be the next All-Star NFL Quarterback
-I no longer have friends that were very bad influences to me
-I no longer have a crush on Jessica Margocs (or do I? - just kidding)
-I no longer play polkas and old victorian waltzes on the organ
-I don't have 15 Bart Simpson shirts anymore. Oh no how sad :(
-I had absolutely no interest in any popular music (ever since Kyrie came
out when I was 4, until 'The Sign' was released when I was 12)
-I no longer cause trouble during Friday Night Open Skate (well, yeah -- but
I'm on the other side of the spectrum now)
-I'm not exactly the biggest daredevil or 'show-off' as I used to be
-I'm definitely not nearly as perverted as I was when I was 10 (sounds
weird, but true)
-I am no longer a discipline problem in the classroom
-I no longer want everything
-I don't run around funeral homes creating mischief w/Ryan Kelber anymore
-I don't play school as "Mr. Garbel" in my attic classroom
-I didn't have the bulging Herculean muscles I have now :)
-And I didn't eat nearly as much ZA as I do now!

What qualities to I still SHARE from when I was 10? Let's see here
-I still feel left out because I never got a Super NES
-The best movie ever made was Yellow Submarine
-And I still like the Beatles, even though Genesis has surpassed them as my
favorite band
-The best book I ever read was the Voyage of Doctor Dolittle
-I am still very musically talented, and have always had that 'creative,
artistic' side
-I still LOVE computers, even though they are no longer the Apple IIe's :)
-I still got that intelligent, creative mind that's not afraid to do, write
or say anything at all
-I still hang out at the rink -- Good God what happened to me?
-I still have all my little creations all stashed up and archived somewhere
in the attic...so I can just pull 'em out when necessary (i.e. ZaFest)
-I still got that little "mischevious" side of myself...you've seen it if
you have ever attended a ZaFest!
-ZA is still tops on the food chain (if that makes any sense to you)
-I still enjoy writing really weird 'short stories' and stuff...I guess you
never met 'Helabob' - You will in the next ZaFest!
-I truly feel I'm just as intelligent as I was at 10 -- yeah, the schooling
did help - BUT I feel that I could've studied the same subjects and been
just as successful as if I would have taken them 10 years ago
-I still want everyone to like me -- just I go about different ways of doing
it!
-I'm still probably one of the shyest people around strangers, but once I
get to know ppl I'm totally different
-I still have a dog named Stink (even though it's a different dog)
-I still have a very good friend who lives across the street from me --
Thanks Bernie for being there all these years!!! I know you've had to put
up with a lot of my shinanigans!!! I know if anyone could attest to this
list it would be him :)

OK -- good enough for me so far...any thoughts? Write Back!!!
-Chris

Pancakes IS Ready!

Yeah, it's true that I'm usually in this little permanent 'dream state', and
go on totally off-the-wall rants about everything...I dunno. When I write
those totally confusing e-mails I just let my thoughts flow like molasses on
flapjacks. Pancakes IS Ready!!! Just kidding :) I guess when I look back
and read all the e-mails that I send (which I do pretty often) I wonder
myself how I could possibly write such weird and outlandish things.
Actually, it's not that tough for me to figure it out -- I just have to have
the right mindset and everything and I can talk about any topic under the
sun. Even appleness, if you remember Fr. Tony's class.

Well, right now I'm really not in that mindset. Actually, I'm currently in
a "return-to-reality" mode...doesn't mean that I've lost any of my creative
expressiveness, it's just that my attitude is a little different than when
I'm usually writing. It's fairly difficult to describe really...I can't say
for sure what turns my attitudes "on" or "off". If I only knew...because
I've been in this lethargic, partially petrified state for a very LONG time
now. It's not that I want to feel this way (i.e. "lazy") but I have
absolutely no motivation to do anything except for work and going out
w/friends. Which isn't terrible -- I mean -- I'm not depressed or
anything...it's just that "NOTHING HAPPENS" outside of what I want at the
time. The worst part is that there are so many things I really WANT to do
(mostly regarding work, education, etc.) that never gets done due to my lack
of attention? or motivation or somethin' like that. OK - maybe I'll stop
ranting about this issue now...many of you guys know what it's like I'm
sure, but I'm just giving it from my point of view...

Back to my "Reality" schpiel...it's just that right now I'm looking at
things with a "clear head" for the first time in months. I'm finally
resolving a lot of problems that I caused in the second half of last year
(refer to SIMPLIFICATION) and I'm almost ready to "Start Over". But not
yet...I'm not 100% totally comfortable with moving on, since there are a
couple 'finishing touches' I need to make before I make any big
announcements. Nevertheless, I can ALMOST truly say I am happy with the way
my life is going once again...or at least I'm happy with the way things are
headed. Needless to say, I'll write everyone a nice, blissful e-mail once
everything is officially resolved. I cannot project how long this will
take, but chances are they'll take place within the next month-and-a-half.
When everyone returns from school during spring break I'll be sure to throw
a big ZA FEST to celebrate the occasion!!!

Ooh -- maybe I'll now give my final 6 month review of 2000 so everyone knows
what actually happened:

July, 2000 - I had fun...lots and lots and lots of fun. Went to Cedar Point
w/friends, a concert, etc. Parents were camping almost every day so I had
the house entirely to myself most of the time. Then I had this doctor's
appt. where I took this breathing test and I did absolutely miserable on it.
They almost put me in the hospital for it. I felt absolutely horrible, but
took steps to improve things -- which I am very proud of now (1 thing
repaired)

August, 2000 - Even though I was still in absolutely terrible shape, I still
had a lot of fun with everyone -- I think that's when I went to the camper
w/Alex...anyways, things were all good until I learned that my internship
downtown would be ending at the conclusion of the month. That sucked, but
at the same time, I was sorta glad it was over. It was really beginning to
drag...A LOT. And I felt so absolutely worn down that I really didn't put
much effort or cared about my job too much. I DID upgrade my server to
Windows 2000 Advanced Server. That was fun. I also sold Alex, Brian and
Jerry their computers to take away to school. That was fun, and I had a lot
more room in my basement :) I went to this computer sale and bought another
$1000 in parts...which was sorta cool, but looking back it was an extra
$1000 that I really should've saved. But oh well. My job at the rink was
also in jeopardy. One of my checks that I made out to pay for Jessica (the
girl that I hit w/snowball) bounced, and so the parents were totally irate
and called the city law director on me. Boo. But after several meetings
with the recreation commissioner I was able to get everything resolved and
got my job back. (2 things repaired)

September 2000 - Ok - most of my friends were off to school, still had Eddie
and Chris around...but that's about it. I was sorta sucked, and it was one
of my motivations for writing the "End of an Era" bit...even though I have
finally come to realize that even though things have changed, they will
always be the same and my friends and I will still enjoy the things we used
to (3 things repaired) Eddie and I took a trip to Toledo University to sell
one of Nally's friends a computer. That was cool, but other than that not
much happened. Tri-Hi started...the rink started up again...and things
changed a lot for me from the previous month. Oh yeah, I also joined a fall
softball team, which was a lot of fun, too. Kept me occupied for most of
the autumn months, which was totally cool :) I got my laptop for $700,
which I really love, and I spent probably close to $1200 on tuition and
books. Oh yeah -- I almost moved out, too...and I would've if I didn't have
to be 21 to get an apartment where I wanted to go. Probably better that I
didn't go.

October 2000 - Not too much happened. I worked at the rink, Alex and I took
a roadtrip to Toledo...and I went to visit Eddie and Christina at OSU with
Lisa. Softball continued, and so did Tri-Hi. In a sense, I can almost say
that October went fairly well...but I had this monstrocity of bills that
were piling up on me. In short, I dug a hole for myself. And I continued
to dig deeper, and deeper and deeper until I hit rock bottom. Well...these
bills are now finally almost all paid off thankfully, due to my frugal
spending and new scope on things. (4 things repaired)

November 2000 - Pretty much just a huge blur -- or blah -- or just plain "i
never had anything to do so all I did was sit around all day and think about
things without really doing anything at all" The one big shining moment was
during Thanksgiving break when everyone came home from school and we all
went out together. Well, since then I've changed things...even my attitude
a little bit and found new things to do (actually, some old things, like
magic) so during the past month I've really never been too bored at all with
life. (5 things repaired)

December 2000 - Can be expressed with one word - COMPLICATION. Yeah...I was
gonna take a trip down to Florida with my bro, and ended up declining
because of the huge mess I had created. Actually, I had absolutely no
cash -- I totally hated Tri-Hi -- there was absolutely nothing to do or
nowhere to go -- and I was causing an immense amount of problems for myself
that totally kept me from doing anything that I wanted at all. Well...most
of these problems worked themselves out one way or another since then, and I
realize that SIMPLIFICATION was the correct resopnse to this entire
situation (6 things repaired) Christmas break came at the totally right
time. Friends were back, we had things to do -- everyone was happy and
excited about everything, ya know? I was still a little confused about
things, and my parents were still pretty angry at me for doing all the
little small stupid things I have been describing. Christmas, itself was
pretty good BUT the time between then and New Years was absolutely terrible
because my parents were sick and totally fed up with all my shinanigans.
Since then, I think things have impoved greatly and we're all back to
normalcy (7 things repaired)

Yeah, there were probably some things I left out either intentionally or
unintentionally, but I'm just trying to give a broad scope of what happened
that I've been bitching and whining about for awhile now...or somethin' like
that. I really don't regret anything I did AT ALL, since I have learned
quite a bit from the mistakes and the good things I did. So really, the
year 2000 was really good...or at least a lot of good things came out of it
in the end. And a lot of the muck that came from it is dragging on over
into January and probably February, but that's OK because soon it will be
time to "Start Over" again. Yay. I'm incredibly excited!

-Chris

ZA VISION!

Yes my friends...a Television show that involves huge quantities of ZA being
thrown around, eaten and used in art tapestires at the same time! What is
it called??? What network was intelligent enuff to broadcast such a
magnificient show??? You guessed it. ZA Vision -- coming to a cable
provider near you! What does all this mean? Well, let me give you the
lowdown:

ZA Vision (an acronym for Zeta Alpha's Very Interesting, Spectacular and
Insightful Online Network) will begin broadcast on April 31, 2001. Reality
will be twisted to an all-new level, with abstract humor, philisophical
folly and absolute 100% insanity with a hint of genius. What else could you
possibly want in an online television/radio show?

Now I know all your mouths are now wide open in awe. Close 'em. You're
slobbering all over your keyboard, and your roomate thinks you are just
staring at your screen like that one kid from Home Alone (Mucalay or
somethin' like that?). Oh well, who really cares what they think anyways.
Don't worry about what anyone thinks about you...it's not that important.
It's what you think about yourself. Every day I look at myself into the
mirror and say: "I'm good enuff - I'm smart enuff - and dog gone'it - people
LIKE me". If you believe what I just said, go outside...find the biggest
pile of dog poo and put it in your microwave for 20 minutes, after which you
may proceed to toss it at your car windshield. When you return - and you
really DID do that, take your IQ score and subtract 50-75 points off of it,
depending on how many grams the wad of hardened poo was. Take off an
additional 25 points if you BROKE the windshield, and maybe even another 10
if you didn't bother to wash your hands afterwards.

I don't know what to do with you guys...you just sit there like total robots
and read this schtuff and believe it - or try to find "hidden meanings"
within everything that I say. Even though I have mentioned to everyone that
there IS a meaning behind every little thing I write. Finding those
meanings is half the adventure. It's like bringing home the newest,
shiniest edition of Where's Waldo from the public library. Whenever you see
a header with the name "Chris A. Czaplicki" - you tell your friends to find
someone else to play with while you frantically read between the lines in
order to achieve a higher knowledge of the inner-workings of the cerebrum,
cerebellum and brain stem of Mr. ZA. Actually, I'm doing that right now. I
really have absolutely no clue why I write this schtuff. Isn't that totally
contradicting myself? Am I a complete and total hypocrite? Or am I
Hippocrates (not to be confused with Hypocrates). Who knows...who cares?
Life's too short to be thinking too hard about things. Just let all your
thoughts flow freely like a Claude Monet masterpiece. I would NOT recommend
letting them flow like a Pieter Paul Reubens materpiece. Then everyone
would think that your mind is warped. And it would be...SERIOUSLY.

All in all, I hope everyone has a great experience at their local university
in the coming months. Spring break is only a few short weeks away, and
Easter is soon to follow. It's already getting warmer guys! The ice and
snow are slowly melting. The smiles are returning to the faces. Here comes
the sun. And it's allright!!!

-Chris (That crazy person) Czaplicki
BOOYAH

Revival of an Era!

Ok...I've been doing some thinking around here. Wow - how unusual!!! Not
really, though. I don't intend this e-mail to be all-philisophical 'n'
stuff, but moreless a short commentary on the state of affairs in the life
of Mr. ZA

As some of you may already know (while many of you really haven't noticed),
I haven't really been able to complete the Year 2000 review. While this may
seem very insignificant, there's a reason for it. I could probably finish
up 'July and August', but things really changed for me during the last few
months of the year...some good and some bad. Yay and BOO at the same time.
The 'End of an Era' e-mail back in late August was just a little 'sneak
peak' of what I expected to have happen over the next few months:
Absolutely nothing...or at least absolute uncertainty. As you all know,
nothing went 'terribly wrong', but there were a lot of things that cast a
huge shadow over me...that I'm still trying to repair. At the core of this
was my money problem...all my bills seemed to "pile up" at the same time,
and I'm finally now getting them paid off. Ok - enuff!!!!!

I think my main problem was that I was trying too hard. I was complicating
things like crazy, and creating my own problems. Grrr... But I'm
intelligent enough to realize that, and I'm currently in the process of
SIMPLIFICATION. What does that involve? Well, remember when things were
simple? I didn't have 8 computers down here to worry about breaking down,
and we enjoyed the simple things. Like the jukebox...and fun prizes! I
think we have already realized this. Maybe that's why we played hours upon
hours of UNO during xmas break :) And that was so cool. But last night,
Alex and I went back to our roots. What do I mean???

Can you say -- Magical Gathering?

Fun stuff. It was great going back to what we used to do 3 years ago. It
was a totally awesome experience that I hope to share with everyone else in
the near future. Oh well...hopefully I'll get to talk to everyone
personally about this matter. Or somethin' like that. I'm so excited, if
nothing else. It's like there's a revitalization of old ideas. Not
nostalgia that you can never re-live. We can STILL enjoy the things we used
to do only a couple years ago. I don't expect to make any more flicks of me
walking around with a green sleeping bag over my head, but you never know :)
So in all reality, this will truly be a REVIVAL OF AN ERA!

-Mr. ZA

ZA Poetry

Bombs are flying...people are dying
Stink is barking...teaches are marking (papers wrong)
Texaco's spilling...cancer is killing
Water is dripping...my parents are flipping
Money is tight...the boss wants to fight
Hormones are raging...my boss is paging (me)
The computer is broken...the demons have awoken
My car is stalling...alex's grades are falling
The couch is a mess...the 'net is protected by Bess :)
This chair is a-creaking...my inner-spirit is speaking
My desk is all sticky...and I feel all icky
The light bulb burnt out...I'm ready to shout
My mp3's are all erased...now I lots of empty space (not really)
A voice calls from overhead...I think it's time for bed.

Good night,
-Chris

Can humans hibernate?

Can humans hibernate? I have no clue...so why do I ask? I dunno. Right
now I feel like hibernating. You remember that saying, "I'm so pooped I'm
too pooped to poop?" Well...I guess that's how I feel right now. It's
probably not all because lack of sleep (or schleep, if you prefer) --
there's gotta be something wrong with me right now -- I just feel absolutely
lethargic, sore, and worn down. Why? Crazier things have happened to me
before.

I guess in this putrid state I am in, one thing is still cool -- I CAN STILL
TYPE! - my fingers are in perfect health. But I really don't feel like
talking about that subject anymore. Let's move on to something more
interesting, shall we?

The rink is a good topic. I worked 11 hours Friday and 9 hours this
morning. Kids were good, even though I had to tell one of 'em to "get the
fuck out of here". Maybe I had a short temper yesterday. Just maybe. Wait
a second -- everyone knows I have the coolest temper in the world :) I
guess maybe I should have an episode of "scared straight" at the rink. Just
maybe.

There is a lot more good news to tell. First off, the one and only
late-night talkshow host Art Bell is returning to the airwaves on February
5, 2001!!! This is definitely a time to celebrate, or not. But
nevertheless, I cannot wait the high-powered philisophical and abstract
talks. This is coolness to the max.

Even better news -- Yes my friends -- In 3 weeks Mr. ZA will no longer be a
teen-idol. What??? What did I do now? Actually, I have no choice. Over
the course of time, changes have occurred that have led me to this
inevitable conclusion. (sound familiar?) No, actually it's a very good
thing -- I will be turning 20 years old on Sunday, February 11th!!! What
will happen when I'm 20? Who knows...who cares??? The only goal that I
have is to SCORE BIG with...THE FANS!!! What the hell does that mean? Am I
gonna run head-first into a high-powered rotating fan? Absolutely. On
second thought -- Absolutely not. You must understand that the word 'fan'
is short for 'fanatic' in this context. So who are the Za Fanatics?
No...they don't blow themselves up my turning mountains 90 degrees. It's
all an attempt to obtain worldwide fame (or at least part of the world...)
I know I can do it. But not in this physical state I'm in now :)

Hay, guess what -- We have a new president! His name is George. I like to
call him 'Curious George' because he looks like a monkey, and smells like
one too. Then there's Christopher Robin. I AM CHRISTOPHER ROBIN - I like
to play with pooh, even though I don't do his satanic rituals as this
lovable bear does. There's a lot of other cartoon characters I like to
compare real-life people, like myself. For example, remember April o'Neil
from the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? I think she looks a lot like Sheryl
Crow. Then there's the lead singer of the new hit band, O-Town, who reminds
me of that dorky kid from the Magic School Bus. Yay.

I don't feel like writing anymore. I think I'm gonna finish off this
2-liter bottle of Frosty MUG Root Beer. They say the foam goes straight to
your brain. This occurred almost 3 hours ago.

I'll talk to you all later, or catch ya on IM or somethin'. Always feel
free to write back guys...I hate checking my e-mails and getting 12 or 13
spam messages per day. Eek.

-Christopher Alexander Anthony Czaplicki
why do you think everyone just calls me ZA?