Looking back into the ZA Hall of Records

...but why? I mean, the rink is OFFICIALLY over, I no longer have the
excessive burden of Ralphie work on my shoulders and I'm home free. What
does that mean exactly? Not a whole lot, considering that I haven't really
had much of a work load for the past few weeks. Which brings up another
point -- I have A LOT of time on my hands. Sound familiar? Yeah, it's been
that way for the majority of the year for me, but that's perfectly fine
since I have more time to explore my creative mind. You probably know what
that means...eh?

You guessed wrong if you thought I meant I was visualzing the mating habits
of farm animals. You also guessed incorrectly if you thought I was on top
of a tree eating breadsticks and blowing up balloons. In fact, if you
thought I used my extra time to write the numbers 1-1024 in binary you are
also wrong. I did that in 3rd grade, and don't intend to do it again until
I'm well into my 90's and have a serious case of Alzheimers. It depends.
Then again, when i'm in my 90's I'll probably be wearing Depends. If not, I
probably should be. Until then I'll appreciate the brute strength of my
bladder in times where it may seem that I should be making a boulder dash to
the latrine. Ok, that last one wasn't all that funny but at least it took
some thought...er I mean, utter lack of.

It's the end of April -- the end of Week # 17 of 2001 and for some of us,
the end of an era of listening to WMMS playing Godsmack's Voodoo. Wait,
that was last year! What really matters most is that most people get out of
school in 2 weeks or less (or quite a bit more if you are attending a
certain university 130 miles SSW of here). We still love you down there and
there will be an emptiness inside until you guys return! But I'm sure
there's a lot of stupid stuff we're gonna do up here in Cleveland that you
probably won't feel *too* left out -- in fact, you probably enjoy all those
daily riots and cops spraying tear gas all over the place. I know I
would...I would start my own revolution. And play all that old school
hippie music. I can't guarantee I'd grow my hair long but at least I'd
probably smoke lots of pot and trip on mind-altering (or as I say,
"Mind-Enhancing") substances. And then I'd get caught and be dragged out in
cuffs. But that's in another lifetime, I think.

Hey -- guess what? One of these days I'll take a trip to the ZA Hall of
Records and pull out some more good stuff to scan so everyone can see all my
fun and interesting and otherwise insane works. The biggest object of
interest: I made this huge 600-page book back when I was between the ages of
like 6 and 8. I'll try to find it, but there's other things I'd like to
find first...or I mean...I'd like JOE to find first ... It's sorta
weird because I've had recurring dreams about going to my own personal "Hall
of records" since I was a kid. It contains everything I've ever owned,
created, or otherwise wanted in the past. This place lies in a small
building that resembles a mobile home surrounded by dense forest and mists.
I never know when I'll travel there, but when I do I discover new treasures
I have long forgotten about. It's really weird, but it's so cool to go
there.

What else is there? Aha. Joe and I have had a lot of conversations lately
reminiscing about the past. Which is fun, especially since there's so much
about my "former self" that no one even knows about...and I can somewhat
give some sort of insight into it by telling my tales. And I know for a
fact no one has ever heard my rendition of the Monkees' "Not your stepping
stone" at the age of 4. I really don't intend on enlightening anyone about
this either, since it's really bad and very embarrassing. But then again,
so is the whole 1985 diary thing, so in all reality it doesn't really
matter!

Oh -- and before I forget, I'm happy to announce that my brother-in-law Jim
had successful kidney transplant surgery on Wednesday. I think he will be
returning home early next week. My sister Donna is currently staying here
with us rehabilitating after her bout with Legionairre's disease which
really set her back big-time. Hopefully she will be able to gain strength
and be able to enjoy this summer with her husband and the rest of our
family. It's been a tough road for her since Day 1, and she has stayed
strong through every single day. And my parents have been so supportive
also, and I have to appreciate all they have done for her. I often complain
about how much of a burden my parents are to me, and they are at times...but
they mean well and I have to respect their decisions as long as I'm under
their roof. Hopefully though, I'll be gone soon and be able to spread my
wings :)

Well, I have a lot more time to write, but I'm running out of ideas and need
something else to do (I'm reading all this stuff about ADHD and that, and
I'm convinced I had a very complicated form of it as a child and still do),
although in all honesty I think it's more like an acute case of high
intelligence that was left largely unnoticed until I met people that were
smart enough to actually realize what I was capable of. That's ok -- I'm
not gonna bitch about that. I had fun as a kid. Not in the "normal" ways,
but nevertheless I had some great times. And I still do.

-Chris

Yeah, I made newletters when I was a kid

Editor's note: The links are broken, hopefully to be repaired soon!

Ok...I had this brilliant idea when I was 11 to start this "newspaper" or
whatever. Well, I look back at it now and it is so hilarious! You HAVE to
see it!

http://165.121.195.132/ninetytwo-1.jpg
http://165.121.195.132/ninetytwo-2.jpg
http://165.121.195.132/ninetytwo-3.jpg
http://165.121.195.132/ninetytwo-4.jpg
http://165.121.195.132/ninetytwo-5.jpg

Pages 6-8 have been left blank for some reason I do not wish to reveal. I
was probably too busy looking at porno or somethin' to continue :)

-Chris

Woohoo! Dragon Warrior Fan Fiction!

Well my friends, I come bearing gifts. Well, actually just one really fun
and interesting one. That, of course is my rendition of the Dragon Quest
chronicles. Although this story line already exists in a semi-broken way, I
use my creative writing skills in order to create a marvelous tale of
fantasy.

I don't know how long the entire epic will last, but it will probably span
multiple e-mails and continue on for a few weeks. (or months?). I'll try
to write one "chapter" at a time, and keep it neatly organized in order to
ensure that my readers keep interested and the story line stays fresh.

So here it goes everyone...an epic tale of fantasy, fate and courage...the
quest of the dragon warriors!

-Chris

Chapter 1 - The Royal Soldiers

Act 1 -- The Royal Soldiers
Chapter 1: Burland Castle

Every day seems to be more grueling than the one before. Ever since I
joined the ranks of The Royal Soldiers for the King of Burland more than
four years ago, it has been my duty to protect the castle from outside
threats. My name is Ragnar, one of the many guardsmen here at Burland. And
though I may be one of many, I have moved up the ranks during my tenure.
Most of my time now is spent in the King's Chamber, as well as in the
barracks taking instruction from an elder swordsman.

I have a funny feeling that the King has something in store for me. Not
only has he insisted that I, along with a few of my fellow soldiers take
extra instruction...but I have recently learned that he has also planned to
meet with us soon. I really don't know what this is all about, but I have a
couple of ideas. First off, I have heard word that monsters have been
sighted in the area during the daytime when our peasants are at work in the
fields, as well as by travelers within the continent. Although many of
these creatures have lurked in the dark hours for the last several hundred
years, they have never caused havoc until the last few weeks. And the
reported cases of serious injuiry and death have rose steadily in recent
times.

Burland Castle is located on the Southern Continent, the smallest in the
world of Alefgard. It is also the safest. Nowhere else on this plane can
the normal soldier traverse without fear of encountering fierce enemies,
although it seems as though these times may soon be over. The continent is
bisected by the Olgaz river, for which for hundreds of years could never be
crossed due to the massive currents that were too treacherous to cross by
even the sturdiest of boats. In recent times, King Trolomu III commissioned
skilled diggers as well as hundreds of peasants to construct a tunnel
underneath the Olgaz, allowing travelers to reach the other side of the
continent.

To the northwest of Burland across the Olgaz lies a small village called
Izmit. The town is known for it's luxurious bathhouse, in addition to a
very skilled team of blacksmiths. In the beginning, Izmit attempted to
start their own government and break their ties with Burland, until a great
famine hit the land, making it impossible for the Izmites to be
self-sufficient. The famine has long been over, and both have been on great
terms ever since. Because of the narrow distance between Izmit and the
castle, travelers can often be seen on the beaten path.

I have only been to Izmit twice -- once as a child, and another occasion two
years ago when I escorted Trolomu V to the village festival. Although the
area is nice and I have to admit -- the baths are great...I my opinion is
that the town is too small for me to live in. I had the opportunity to
purchase a new copper sword there, which I still carry on occasion. One day
I hope to convince Trolomu to purchase greater weapons such as Chain Sickles
and Iron Spears for our army.

Well, I have some errands to run now. The Archduke has commanded me to
visit Lady Flora, who has reported that her husband Sir Alex has not been
seen for three days. Once that is completed, I will return to my barracks
and get some much needed rest. It's getting late, and Ireally should be
going now.

-Ragnar, Royal Soldier

More bits 'n' bytes

What's this???? 11 days and NO E-MAIL? That's odd. Well, more like --
I've been wasting my time doing other fun 'n' exciting things that I've
never had a chance to sit down and come up with anything specific to write
about. I've had lots and lots of ideas but in no specific order and so in
order to keep my mind from wandering, I just forget about everything.

So what's up everyone? Only 3 more weeks of school left and the weather is
heating up mighty quickly (even though today was a bit chilly). Yet then
again, at times these last few days can seem like an eternity at times
w/exams and such. But with careful preparation and proper time management,
everything should all work out just peachy, right? Then again I really
don't have to use any time management skills since I'm a bum :)

And now for a few news bits 'n' bytes in the world of ZA:

-My long-awaited job hasn't fallen through yet. Which can only be a good
thing, since it just means I have more time to do craaaaaazy stuff. I'm
back at the rink for a couple more days just to earn an extra buck or two,
so that should alleviate some of the financial burden (if any).
-My brother-in-law is going into the hospital for a kidney transplant today
(wednesday). One of his good friends was kind enough to be a donor and I
wish them the best of luck and pray that everything turns out well.
-A few weeks ago I kicked a few guys out of the rink during open skate.
That was fun. Now they have to go to court on charges of criminal
trespassing. And for some reason, the police are saying that I am the
victim of the crime. What does that mean? Who knows...I just hope that it
doesn't cause a big mess. If anything it builds to my already inflated ego
:)

Not much else, really...things are going slow but steady and I'm trying to
make every day a productive and enjoyable one. Yeah, so? Ok, fine -- you
asked for it...

WHAT ZA DOES TO HAVE A PRODUCTIVE AND ENJOYABLE DAY:
-Eat
-Drink lots of pepsi and/or other caffeinated liquid refreshment.
-Stays up past 3AM most nights and chats on IM or just sits dumbfoundedly at
the computer :)
-Makes sure stink has plenty of friends to play with
-Plays massive amounts of Diablo II in order to build my Ice Sorceress up
even higher
-Gets tired of Diablo II since it's so repetitive and frustrating
-Gets yelled at by mom for not doing something or other...
-Produces quality music with the help of a Yamaha PSR-400 keyboard
-Listens to quality music with the help of Winamp version 2.73
-Goes deaf by blasting quality music on his dual Polar Bear woofer system
-Plays massive amounts of Tetris in order to beat a previous high
score...HAY - i got 189 lines :)
-Visits the rink in an attempt to create a social life
-Visits the basement in attempt to destroy a social life
-Jumps up and down repeatedly in attempt to destroy all ligaments in lower
extremities
-Tries to act really cool by drivin' around in the pimp lowrider camaro
blasting hardcore metal out the window
-Constantly plays Magic the Gathering -- the absolute greatest game ever
created (as long as you got $$$, that is :)

And the list goes on, and on, and on, and on, and on, etc. etc. etc. etc.
etc.

BTW I'll continue the Cristo story in a future episode. You'll be sure to
enjoy it!!!

Until next time, have a wonderful, underful day -- and make 20,000 snowballs
in the process.

-Chris (Zaromus)

The Rink Will Never Die!

Unfortunately, my tenure at the Michael A. Ries ice skating rink has come to
an end, but it ended in very high spirits as I directed the music for the
ice skating show -- sorta like a swan song for me.

At this point in time I am unsure whether or not I will be returning to the
rink in the fall, but I'd really like to stay in some capacity. It all
depends on my employment situation in the coming months, and if it will
accomodate working a couple days here and there. But for now, it's the end
of a very long and eventful 4 years. I have to say good bye to everyone,
even though I know I'll be visiting every now and then. Is this an end of
an era? Maybe. Check back in 20 years. Remember, THE RINK WILL NEVER DIE!

-Chris

E-ZA 4/13/01

Wow -- 2 consecutive e-mails titled E-ZA...what the hell is goin' on over
here??? Not much really, xcept for a few days of bright sunshine and
unseasonably warm weather. Add the fact that I am only working like, 2 days
a week and you can imagine that I'm living the high life :)

I think I mentioned in a previous e-mail about all the strange and
frustrating ongoings of my job pursuit... Well, anyways I never received
word from PC on call, and I declined the other job since it didn't pay too
well, and it was only a 6-mo thing which I really didn't like either. So
for all intensive purposes, I'm left waiting for PC on call to stop playing
games and actually hire me :) At first I was really pissed and frustrated
and stressed out about the entire situation, but since then I have grown to
realize that all this worrying isn't going to help -- and I should be
enjoying all the free time that's available to me right now. I have proven
to myself that I won't have too much of a problem getting a job, especially
after receiving another networking certification in a couple weeks. And
that's all that matters.

Now that you all have heard about the life of the ZA Meister, I'd like to
welcome my newest friend to the group -- he comes from the dimension of
Alefgard for a small castle town called Santeem. You guessed it, his name
is Cristo, respected chancellor and protector of the beautiful princess
Alena. Alena sometimes likes to act like a tomboy and kick things. One day
she kicked out the window in Santeem castle, and guards were forced to
repair it. Alas, even the hard work of rebuilding the castle portal wasn't
enough for Alena to escape and explore the vast continent surrounding the
plains of Santeem. Of course, Alena could not go alone -- for she would
surely fall victim to the evil creatures that roam this great land. For
this reason, her bodyguard Cristo and the hermetic wizard called Brey join
forces and journey to the great beyond. A small town near Santeem Castle
was a bustling trading post for many other warriors who dared to fight the
allies of Necrosaro, the archfiend of Alefgard. This quaint village, which
goes by the name of Surene is a great place to kick back and relax before
setting out for exploration. The weather is quite nice in this area,
especially at this time of the year. A wondering poet, Marone has found
Surene to be a beautiful place to write about the gorgeous landscapes, and
natural formations that this place has to offer. One of his famous lines
"Blue skies, wandering clouds, la la la" has been sculpted above the balcony
of the village hall in honor of his coming.

I will continue my story in my next E-ZA. I thought you would like to hear
of my new found friend, and I know that Cristo would love to interact with
everyone else here. Be sure to drop Cristo a line. He's gonna be busy
guarding Alena, but we'll definitely write back soon!

-Chris

What else is going on?

Ok, fine...I'm not gonna limit myself to song titles for the subject line of
my e-mails...sorry if anyone was bothered by that -- it just seems more
practical to head some messages with something that actually makes some
sorta sense, ya know?

Now since that subject is out of the way, I can now focus on better things.
Things like -- acting like a monkey boy, flinging poo at people's houses,
and of course my favorite -- terrorizing little children with my oversized
pair of electric scissors. Those types of things make my day all the time,
but there are other things that can claim to do the same for me. Too many
things to explain here but of course one of 'em has gotta be the nice
weather we're having around here!

Hrmm...you may be asking yourself: "What else is going on in the Life of ZA
that he hasn't discussed in his 300 e-mails in the past month?" Well, I
hate to let you down, but I'm sorry to say that not much has occurred that
my loyal readers don't know about already. I don't claim to be hero or a
savior -- forget what you know. But of course the anticipation awaits my
new job and the coming of the Easter season. Woooohooooo! Right now that's
everything I need to stay happy right about now -- take everything away from
me except that and I won't care. I'm sorry but I won't go out and mimic St.
Francis and have intercourse with snow (if you don't know what I'm talking
about: more power to you!)

I'm also excited since the camper will be opening up in about another 2
weeks, and I can't wait to spend some time down there in the arms of nature.
I was just explaining to someone today how great it is down there -- and yet
I only went camping twice last summer. Hmm...I'll definitely want to spend
more time down there I think. Good times and great tastes. And there's no
golden arches for miles :)

What else is up? Oooh let's see -- I learned my dog likes to chew ice
cubes. Umm...I got stopped by a cop for speeding (39 in 25) but of course
the ZA Meister knows everyone in Parma so no problem there. I guess I
witnessed a big party across my street (and the aftermath...). What's your
name? Who's your daddy? Oh yeah -- I almost forgot to mention I have
experienced pain in my left ankle for the past week or so. Nothing a little
ice won't cure... I ate at Burger King a couple times. That's about it.

Hopefully I'll be getting the call tomorrow officially confirming my
employment with PC On Call. Once everything gets sorted out I think you'll
be reading yet ANOTHER fun and exciting e-mail from me :) Coolness!

-Chris A. Czaplicki