Yes my friends...a Television show that involves huge quantities of ZA being
thrown around, eaten and used in art tapestires at the same time! What is
it called??? What network was intelligent enuff to broadcast such a
magnificient show??? You guessed it. ZA Vision -- coming to a cable
provider near you! What does all this mean? Well, let me give you the
lowdown:
ZA Vision (an acronym for Zeta Alpha's Very Interesting, Spectacular and
Insightful Online Network) will begin broadcast on April 31, 2001. Reality
will be twisted to an all-new level, with abstract humor, philisophical
folly and absolute 100% insanity with a hint of genius. What else could you
possibly want in an online television/radio show?
Now I know all your mouths are now wide open in awe. Close 'em. You're
slobbering all over your keyboard, and your roomate thinks you are just
staring at your screen like that one kid from Home Alone (Mucalay or
somethin' like that?). Oh well, who really cares what they think anyways.
Don't worry about what anyone thinks about you...it's not that important.
It's what you think about yourself. Every day I look at myself into the
mirror and say: "I'm good enuff - I'm smart enuff - and dog gone'it - people
LIKE me". If you believe what I just said, go outside...find the biggest
pile of dog poo and put it in your microwave for 20 minutes, after which you
may proceed to toss it at your car windshield. When you return - and you
really DID do that, take your IQ score and subtract 50-75 points off of it,
depending on how many grams the wad of hardened poo was. Take off an
additional 25 points if you BROKE the windshield, and maybe even another 10
if you didn't bother to wash your hands afterwards.
I don't know what to do with you guys...you just sit there like total robots
and read this schtuff and believe it - or try to find "hidden meanings"
within everything that I say. Even though I have mentioned to everyone that
there IS a meaning behind every little thing I write. Finding those
meanings is half the adventure. It's like bringing home the newest,
shiniest edition of Where's Waldo from the public library. Whenever you see
a header with the name "Chris A. Czaplicki" - you tell your friends to find
someone else to play with while you frantically read between the lines in
order to achieve a higher knowledge of the inner-workings of the cerebrum,
cerebellum and brain stem of Mr. ZA. Actually, I'm doing that right now. I
really have absolutely no clue why I write this schtuff. Isn't that totally
contradicting myself? Am I a complete and total hypocrite? Or am I
Hippocrates (not to be confused with Hypocrates). Who knows...who cares?
Life's too short to be thinking too hard about things. Just let all your
thoughts flow freely like a Claude Monet masterpiece. I would NOT recommend
letting them flow like a Pieter Paul Reubens materpiece. Then everyone
would think that your mind is warped. And it would be...SERIOUSLY.
All in all, I hope everyone has a great experience at their local university
in the coming months. Spring break is only a few short weeks away, and
Easter is soon to follow. It's already getting warmer guys! The ice and
snow are slowly melting. The smiles are returning to the faces. Here comes
the sun. And it's allright!!!
-Chris (That crazy person) Czaplicki
BOOYAH
Wednesday, January 31, 2001
Sunday, January 28, 2001
Revival of an Era!
Ok...I've been doing some thinking around here. Wow - how unusual!!! Not
really, though. I don't intend this e-mail to be all-philisophical 'n'
stuff, but moreless a short commentary on the state of affairs in the life
of Mr. ZA
As some of you may already know (while many of you really haven't noticed),
I haven't really been able to complete the Year 2000 review. While this may
seem very insignificant, there's a reason for it. I could probably finish
up 'July and August', but things really changed for me during the last few
months of the year...some good and some bad. Yay and BOO at the same time.
The 'End of an Era' e-mail back in late August was just a little 'sneak
peak' of what I expected to have happen over the next few months:
Absolutely nothing...or at least absolute uncertainty. As you all know,
nothing went 'terribly wrong', but there were a lot of things that cast a
huge shadow over me...that I'm still trying to repair. At the core of this
was my money problem...all my bills seemed to "pile up" at the same time,
and I'm finally now getting them paid off. Ok - enuff!!!!!
I think my main problem was that I was trying too hard. I was complicating
things like crazy, and creating my own problems. Grrr... But I'm
intelligent enough to realize that, and I'm currently in the process of
SIMPLIFICATION. What does that involve? Well, remember when things were
simple? I didn't have 8 computers down here to worry about breaking down,
and we enjoyed the simple things. Like the jukebox...and fun prizes! I
think we have already realized this. Maybe that's why we played hours upon
hours of UNO during xmas break :) And that was so cool. But last night,
Alex and I went back to our roots. What do I mean???
Can you say -- Magical Gathering?
Fun stuff. It was great going back to what we used to do 3 years ago. It
was a totally awesome experience that I hope to share with everyone else in
the near future. Oh well...hopefully I'll get to talk to everyone
personally about this matter. Or somethin' like that. I'm so excited, if
nothing else. It's like there's a revitalization of old ideas. Not
nostalgia that you can never re-live. We can STILL enjoy the things we used
to do only a couple years ago. I don't expect to make any more flicks of me
walking around with a green sleeping bag over my head, but you never know :)
So in all reality, this will truly be a REVIVAL OF AN ERA!
-Mr. ZA
really, though. I don't intend this e-mail to be all-philisophical 'n'
stuff, but moreless a short commentary on the state of affairs in the life
of Mr. ZA
As some of you may already know (while many of you really haven't noticed),
I haven't really been able to complete the Year 2000 review. While this may
seem very insignificant, there's a reason for it. I could probably finish
up 'July and August', but things really changed for me during the last few
months of the year...some good and some bad. Yay and BOO at the same time.
The 'End of an Era' e-mail back in late August was just a little 'sneak
peak' of what I expected to have happen over the next few months:
Absolutely nothing...or at least absolute uncertainty. As you all know,
nothing went 'terribly wrong', but there were a lot of things that cast a
huge shadow over me...that I'm still trying to repair. At the core of this
was my money problem...all my bills seemed to "pile up" at the same time,
and I'm finally now getting them paid off. Ok - enuff!!!!!
I think my main problem was that I was trying too hard. I was complicating
things like crazy, and creating my own problems. Grrr... But I'm
intelligent enough to realize that, and I'm currently in the process of
SIMPLIFICATION. What does that involve? Well, remember when things were
simple? I didn't have 8 computers down here to worry about breaking down,
and we enjoyed the simple things. Like the jukebox...and fun prizes! I
think we have already realized this. Maybe that's why we played hours upon
hours of UNO during xmas break :) And that was so cool. But last night,
Alex and I went back to our roots. What do I mean???
Can you say -- Magical Gathering?
Fun stuff. It was great going back to what we used to do 3 years ago. It
was a totally awesome experience that I hope to share with everyone else in
the near future. Oh well...hopefully I'll get to talk to everyone
personally about this matter. Or somethin' like that. I'm so excited, if
nothing else. It's like there's a revitalization of old ideas. Not
nostalgia that you can never re-live. We can STILL enjoy the things we used
to do only a couple years ago. I don't expect to make any more flicks of me
walking around with a green sleeping bag over my head, but you never know :)
So in all reality, this will truly be a REVIVAL OF AN ERA!
-Mr. ZA
Friday, January 26, 2001
ZA Poetry
Bombs are flying...people are dying
Stink is barking...teaches are marking (papers wrong)
Texaco's spilling...cancer is killing
Water is dripping...my parents are flipping
Money is tight...the boss wants to fight
Hormones are raging...my boss is paging (me)
The computer is broken...the demons have awoken
My car is stalling...alex's grades are falling
The couch is a mess...the 'net is protected by Bess :)
This chair is a-creaking...my inner-spirit is speaking
My desk is all sticky...and I feel all icky
The light bulb burnt out...I'm ready to shout
My mp3's are all erased...now I lots of empty space (not really)
A voice calls from overhead...I think it's time for bed.
Good night,
-Chris
Stink is barking...teaches are marking (papers wrong)
Texaco's spilling...cancer is killing
Water is dripping...my parents are flipping
Money is tight...the boss wants to fight
Hormones are raging...my boss is paging (me)
The computer is broken...the demons have awoken
My car is stalling...alex's grades are falling
The couch is a mess...the 'net is protected by Bess :)
This chair is a-creaking...my inner-spirit is speaking
My desk is all sticky...and I feel all icky
The light bulb burnt out...I'm ready to shout
My mp3's are all erased...now I lots of empty space (not really)
A voice calls from overhead...I think it's time for bed.
Good night,
-Chris
Monday, January 22, 2001
Can humans hibernate?
Can humans hibernate? I have no clue...so why do I ask? I dunno. Right
now I feel like hibernating. You remember that saying, "I'm so pooped I'm
too pooped to poop?" Well...I guess that's how I feel right now. It's
probably not all because lack of sleep (or schleep, if you prefer) --
there's gotta be something wrong with me right now -- I just feel absolutely
lethargic, sore, and worn down. Why? Crazier things have happened to me
before.
I guess in this putrid state I am in, one thing is still cool -- I CAN STILL
TYPE! - my fingers are in perfect health. But I really don't feel like
talking about that subject anymore. Let's move on to something more
interesting, shall we?
The rink is a good topic. I worked 11 hours Friday and 9 hours this
morning. Kids were good, even though I had to tell one of 'em to "get the
fuck out of here". Maybe I had a short temper yesterday. Just maybe. Wait
a second -- everyone knows I have the coolest temper in the world :) I
guess maybe I should have an episode of "scared straight" at the rink. Just
maybe.
There is a lot more good news to tell. First off, the one and only
late-night talkshow host Art Bell is returning to the airwaves on February
5, 2001!!! This is definitely a time to celebrate, or not. But
nevertheless, I cannot wait the high-powered philisophical and abstract
talks. This is coolness to the max.
Even better news -- Yes my friends -- In 3 weeks Mr. ZA will no longer be a
teen-idol. What??? What did I do now? Actually, I have no choice. Over
the course of time, changes have occurred that have led me to this
inevitable conclusion. (sound familiar?) No, actually it's a very good
thing -- I will be turning 20 years old on Sunday, February 11th!!! What
will happen when I'm 20? Who knows...who cares??? The only goal that I
have is to SCORE BIG with...THE FANS!!! What the hell does that mean? Am I
gonna run head-first into a high-powered rotating fan? Absolutely. On
second thought -- Absolutely not. You must understand that the word 'fan'
is short for 'fanatic' in this context. So who are the Za Fanatics?
No...they don't blow themselves up my turning mountains 90 degrees. It's
all an attempt to obtain worldwide fame (or at least part of the world...)
I know I can do it. But not in this physical state I'm in now :)
Hay, guess what -- We have a new president! His name is George. I like to
call him 'Curious George' because he looks like a monkey, and smells like
one too. Then there's Christopher Robin. I AM CHRISTOPHER ROBIN - I like
to play with pooh, even though I don't do his satanic rituals as this
lovable bear does. There's a lot of other cartoon characters I like to
compare real-life people, like myself. For example, remember April o'Neil
from the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? I think she looks a lot like Sheryl
Crow. Then there's the lead singer of the new hit band, O-Town, who reminds
me of that dorky kid from the Magic School Bus. Yay.
I don't feel like writing anymore. I think I'm gonna finish off this
2-liter bottle of Frosty MUG Root Beer. They say the foam goes straight to
your brain. This occurred almost 3 hours ago.
I'll talk to you all later, or catch ya on IM or somethin'. Always feel
free to write back guys...I hate checking my e-mails and getting 12 or 13
spam messages per day. Eek.
-Christopher Alexander Anthony Czaplicki
why do you think everyone just calls me ZA?
now I feel like hibernating. You remember that saying, "I'm so pooped I'm
too pooped to poop?" Well...I guess that's how I feel right now. It's
probably not all because lack of sleep (or schleep, if you prefer) --
there's gotta be something wrong with me right now -- I just feel absolutely
lethargic, sore, and worn down. Why? Crazier things have happened to me
before.
I guess in this putrid state I am in, one thing is still cool -- I CAN STILL
TYPE! - my fingers are in perfect health. But I really don't feel like
talking about that subject anymore. Let's move on to something more
interesting, shall we?
The rink is a good topic. I worked 11 hours Friday and 9 hours this
morning. Kids were good, even though I had to tell one of 'em to "get the
fuck out of here". Maybe I had a short temper yesterday. Just maybe. Wait
a second -- everyone knows I have the coolest temper in the world :) I
guess maybe I should have an episode of "scared straight" at the rink. Just
maybe.
There is a lot more good news to tell. First off, the one and only
late-night talkshow host Art Bell is returning to the airwaves on February
5, 2001!!! This is definitely a time to celebrate, or not. But
nevertheless, I cannot wait the high-powered philisophical and abstract
talks. This is coolness to the max.
Even better news -- Yes my friends -- In 3 weeks Mr. ZA will no longer be a
teen-idol. What??? What did I do now? Actually, I have no choice. Over
the course of time, changes have occurred that have led me to this
inevitable conclusion. (sound familiar?) No, actually it's a very good
thing -- I will be turning 20 years old on Sunday, February 11th!!! What
will happen when I'm 20? Who knows...who cares??? The only goal that I
have is to SCORE BIG with...THE FANS!!! What the hell does that mean? Am I
gonna run head-first into a high-powered rotating fan? Absolutely. On
second thought -- Absolutely not. You must understand that the word 'fan'
is short for 'fanatic' in this context. So who are the Za Fanatics?
No...they don't blow themselves up my turning mountains 90 degrees. It's
all an attempt to obtain worldwide fame (or at least part of the world...)
I know I can do it. But not in this physical state I'm in now :)
Hay, guess what -- We have a new president! His name is George. I like to
call him 'Curious George' because he looks like a monkey, and smells like
one too. Then there's Christopher Robin. I AM CHRISTOPHER ROBIN - I like
to play with pooh, even though I don't do his satanic rituals as this
lovable bear does. There's a lot of other cartoon characters I like to
compare real-life people, like myself. For example, remember April o'Neil
from the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? I think she looks a lot like Sheryl
Crow. Then there's the lead singer of the new hit band, O-Town, who reminds
me of that dorky kid from the Magic School Bus. Yay.
I don't feel like writing anymore. I think I'm gonna finish off this
2-liter bottle of Frosty MUG Root Beer. They say the foam goes straight to
your brain. This occurred almost 3 hours ago.
I'll talk to you all later, or catch ya on IM or somethin'. Always feel
free to write back guys...I hate checking my e-mails and getting 12 or 13
spam messages per day. Eek.
-Christopher Alexander Anthony Czaplicki
why do you think everyone just calls me ZA?
Random Thoughts
Editor's note: This link no longer works. I'll get something working very soon!!!
Click on the link below, and see what happens when your mind is totally
twisted and you're up going crazy at 3:30 am.
http://www.cyberpalace.cc/randomthoughts.jpg
Have fun!
-Chris
Click on the link below, and see what happens when your mind is totally
twisted and you're up going crazy at 3:30 am.
http://www.cyberpalace.cc/randomthoughts.jpg
Have fun!
-Chris
Sunday, January 14, 2001
More Current E-ZA News
Hey, maybe now I can write this stuff on a consistent pace. But I would
like to first welcome everyone to the best publication since the New
York Times! The E-ZA weekly is now the official sponsor of Chris's
Palace!
If you haven't the slightest clue of what I just meant, I commend you,
for I really don't know either. Now, on to the top story.
ZA Fest this Sunday at 4:00 p.m.!!! Join the ZA bunch for a day of fun
& za, and maybe some music, prizes, alligators, wormholes and more!
Yes, that's right...come one, come all to the event of the week! Mark
your calendars! Geez, have pity on me, ok? Just come!
As always, the HalloZA fest was very successful, with good attendance
(although Geoff mysteriously disappeared for about 2 hours) and stuff
like that. Doom was the name of the game thursday, with Nally crunching
bones and winning a prize to be announced this Sunday! Alex had his
mind set on playing Quake and didn't get a chance...oh well, Balex, eat
$hit! Eat my $hit! Just kidding there, the ZA Shack bylaws prevent me
from taunting or use of any disparaging remarks on the e-za Weekly.
Other news:
-ZA ate ZA...a lot of ZA at the ZA Fest.
-Balex's name has been changed to Dialex
-Joegag busted the entire computer system down at his school (that's
what you said, didn't you?)
-ZA continues to sell Viagra
-Jen B. will be wed to her hubby next year...yummy yum yum!
-Jen B. has been brainwashed beyond belief by her hubby
-Jen B. will vanish into another dimension sometime later this season
-Eddie has eaten his 1,000,000th sugar packet! Congrats, you win a
prize!!!
-Lisa gets an award for never being home when I call...
-ZA gets an award for being online whenever anyone tries to call!
-Chris K. likes bars (just kidding, again)
-Geoff falls off of treadmill at work...gets thrown across room, entire
store gazes at him with their deepest sympathy
-ZA falls off his imaginary treadmill and finds himself in another
dimension (I think I'm still in it :)
-Stink blows blue fog
And to continue with the broadcast...
-The ZA Shack Extra
The ZA Shack has been tidied up a bit, for the upcoming series of ZA
Fests. ZA has worked his butt off the last week to keep the place as
clean as possible. The following things were done:
ZA Garbage Changed
ZA Basement Carpet Vaccumed
In a recent interview with ZA, this is what he said:
"I've put my blood and sweat into keeping this place clean. Cleanliness
is next to Godliness you know!"
-The ZA Rink news
Everyone come to the ZA open skate Friday 7:00-8:45!!! Otherwise, ZA
mopped locker rooms with a ridiculous amount of cleaner and the entire
place is all sticky and smells like pine!
-The ZA Roadtrip news
After getting SNOW TIRES put on the ZA Mobile and new BRAKES, ZA took a
small voyage down Rocky River Reservation to observe the scenic fall
foliage. If anyone would like to attend a ZA One Tank Trip, give me a
ring! (Read between the lines - Roadtrips alone are BORING!)
-ZA Weather
Temperature remains stable at 63 Degrees, Humidity drops to 51% in the
ZA Shack. Outside, snow has appeared. That's right, if you look
outside you will see snow. Snow is white flaky $*** that comes down
when it's really cold out. Sometimes it comes down from the stars, as a
sign that graveyards are not the appropriate place to give wedding
vows. Snow tastes like really dirty water, unless it's yellow, it
tastes really salty. Red snow has a taste of it's own. If I had some
advice about snow, it is this: Never put it down a friend's back. It's
kinda funny and stuff, but after receiving two generously large black
eyes afterwords, it won't be too jesterical.
-ZA Traffic
The ZA residence was flooded on Tuesday, causing severe hydroplaning and
occasional sinkage into the soft mushy earth that lies below.
-ZA Sports
Cavs win, cavs lose, no one really cares.
Indians get sold to Dolans, no one really cares unless you are the wife
of Mr. Dolan or Mr. Jacobs. In that case, oh baby you are in for one
hell of a night!!!
BROWNS - The most spectacular play I have ever seen! Tim Couch is the
best football thrower ever! That Johnson guy is the best football
catcher ever! Go Browns, we love you! Kill modell and his Ravens
Sunday!
-ZA's Picks in Popular Music
Final Fantasy Chocobo theme seems to be #1 on the charts this week. For
a copy, please call ZA and he will play it for you! Better yet, attend
the ZA Fest Sunday and you will hear it live! It's worth the price of
admission!
-ZA's Picks in Movies
The Chase - this is a hot steamy one in some spots, kinda boring in
others.
Showgirls - This one is ok, but I can't see how some of them can stand
up straight with bowling balls as well, you know...
The Sixth Sense - Probably one of the best flicks of the summer, the
ending is what brings the entire movie together...definitely worth a
second view
-ZA Politics (New)
ZA worked at the rink Tuesday (there was voting there) and I was
bombarded with propaganda as I walked into the rink. When I mentioned I
was merely working there their faces turned and kinda gave me a really
dirty look. BTW, the former mayor of Brooklyn, Tom Coyne, lost his spot
after 52 YEARS! Wow, was that guy an old fart or what?
-ZA's Picks in Fashion & Romance
Mumus and Hoop Skirts...Include Bloomers What do you get, a really
attractive lady for da ladies' man! If you really want to go far out,
include bowling balls (you know what I mean) or should it be
watermelons? Or maybe ONE GIANT SQUASH?, and one really stretchy
bikini.
Romance time...ever wonder what to do if you're stuck at a dance with
some really ugly short fat blonde mama? Whenever she asks you
something, just stare at the really pretty one at the other side of the
room, and keep saying to yourself, "only 2 more hours to go!" she'll
think you're staring at the clock so it's all cool.
-ZA's Sidebar
Here is a poem I created:
If you were a skunk, who would be the first person you would spray?
If you were a donkey, who would be the first one you would kick?
If you were a dog, who's hydrant would you lift your leg at?
If you were a whooperwill, who would you come back to in the spring?
If you were a monkey, what balls would you play with first?
If you were a giant tortise, would you know how to get that lumbering
body into H2O?
If you were a hemaphrodite frog, would you do ********?
If you were a trap door spider, which side of the wall would you spin
your web?
If you were a giant squid, which part of the camper would you sleep?
If you were an amoeba, how many arms would you have?
If you were a monkey, and you wanted to play with another monkey's
balls, would you pilfer them outright or kindly ask them to play?
If you were Jen B., would you prefer to be buried before or after the
ceremony?
QUICK EDIT -> Notice the lack of Hot Dog jokes?
-ZA's final farewell
I'll keep this one short and sweet. And if you were offended by
anything I wrote, just remember I wrote this all in good tasted, and if
you were thinking anything dirty, GET YOUR MIND OUT OF THE GUTTER!
-Chris, "The ZA Meister" Czaplicki
like to first welcome everyone to the best publication since the New
York Times! The E-ZA weekly is now the official sponsor of Chris's
Palace!
If you haven't the slightest clue of what I just meant, I commend you,
for I really don't know either. Now, on to the top story.
ZA Fest this Sunday at 4:00 p.m.!!! Join the ZA bunch for a day of fun
& za, and maybe some music, prizes, alligators, wormholes and more!
Yes, that's right...come one, come all to the event of the week! Mark
your calendars! Geez, have pity on me, ok? Just come!
As always, the HalloZA fest was very successful, with good attendance
(although Geoff mysteriously disappeared for about 2 hours) and stuff
like that. Doom was the name of the game thursday, with Nally crunching
bones and winning a prize to be announced this Sunday! Alex had his
mind set on playing Quake and didn't get a chance...oh well, Balex, eat
$hit! Eat my $hit! Just kidding there, the ZA Shack bylaws prevent me
from taunting or use of any disparaging remarks on the e-za Weekly.
Other news:
-ZA ate ZA...a lot of ZA at the ZA Fest.
-Balex's name has been changed to Dialex
-Joegag busted the entire computer system down at his school (that's
what you said, didn't you?)
-ZA continues to sell Viagra
-Jen B. will be wed to her hubby next year...yummy yum yum!
-Jen B. has been brainwashed beyond belief by her hubby
-Jen B. will vanish into another dimension sometime later this season
-Eddie has eaten his 1,000,000th sugar packet! Congrats, you win a
prize!!!
-Lisa gets an award for never being home when I call...
-ZA gets an award for being online whenever anyone tries to call!
-Chris K. likes bars (just kidding, again)
-Geoff falls off of treadmill at work...gets thrown across room, entire
store gazes at him with their deepest sympathy
-ZA falls off his imaginary treadmill and finds himself in another
dimension (I think I'm still in it :)
-Stink blows blue fog
And to continue with the broadcast...
-The ZA Shack Extra
The ZA Shack has been tidied up a bit, for the upcoming series of ZA
Fests. ZA has worked his butt off the last week to keep the place as
clean as possible. The following things were done:
ZA Garbage Changed
ZA Basement Carpet Vaccumed
In a recent interview with ZA, this is what he said:
"I've put my blood and sweat into keeping this place clean. Cleanliness
is next to Godliness you know!"
-The ZA Rink news
Everyone come to the ZA open skate Friday 7:00-8:45!!! Otherwise, ZA
mopped locker rooms with a ridiculous amount of cleaner and the entire
place is all sticky and smells like pine!
-The ZA Roadtrip news
After getting SNOW TIRES put on the ZA Mobile and new BRAKES, ZA took a
small voyage down Rocky River Reservation to observe the scenic fall
foliage. If anyone would like to attend a ZA One Tank Trip, give me a
ring! (Read between the lines - Roadtrips alone are BORING!)
-ZA Weather
Temperature remains stable at 63 Degrees, Humidity drops to 51% in the
ZA Shack. Outside, snow has appeared. That's right, if you look
outside you will see snow. Snow is white flaky $*** that comes down
when it's really cold out. Sometimes it comes down from the stars, as a
sign that graveyards are not the appropriate place to give wedding
vows. Snow tastes like really dirty water, unless it's yellow, it
tastes really salty. Red snow has a taste of it's own. If I had some
advice about snow, it is this: Never put it down a friend's back. It's
kinda funny and stuff, but after receiving two generously large black
eyes afterwords, it won't be too jesterical.
-ZA Traffic
The ZA residence was flooded on Tuesday, causing severe hydroplaning and
occasional sinkage into the soft mushy earth that lies below.
-ZA Sports
Cavs win, cavs lose, no one really cares.
Indians get sold to Dolans, no one really cares unless you are the wife
of Mr. Dolan or Mr. Jacobs. In that case, oh baby you are in for one
hell of a night!!!
BROWNS - The most spectacular play I have ever seen! Tim Couch is the
best football thrower ever! That Johnson guy is the best football
catcher ever! Go Browns, we love you! Kill modell and his Ravens
Sunday!
-ZA's Picks in Popular Music
Final Fantasy Chocobo theme seems to be #1 on the charts this week. For
a copy, please call ZA and he will play it for you! Better yet, attend
the ZA Fest Sunday and you will hear it live! It's worth the price of
admission!
-ZA's Picks in Movies
The Chase - this is a hot steamy one in some spots, kinda boring in
others.
Showgirls - This one is ok, but I can't see how some of them can stand
up straight with bowling balls as well, you know...
The Sixth Sense - Probably one of the best flicks of the summer, the
ending is what brings the entire movie together...definitely worth a
second view
-ZA Politics (New)
ZA worked at the rink Tuesday (there was voting there) and I was
bombarded with propaganda as I walked into the rink. When I mentioned I
was merely working there their faces turned and kinda gave me a really
dirty look. BTW, the former mayor of Brooklyn, Tom Coyne, lost his spot
after 52 YEARS! Wow, was that guy an old fart or what?
-ZA's Picks in Fashion & Romance
Mumus and Hoop Skirts...Include Bloomers What do you get, a really
attractive lady for da ladies' man! If you really want to go far out,
include bowling balls (you know what I mean) or should it be
watermelons? Or maybe ONE GIANT SQUASH?, and one really stretchy
bikini.
Romance time...ever wonder what to do if you're stuck at a dance with
some really ugly short fat blonde mama? Whenever she asks you
something, just stare at the really pretty one at the other side of the
room, and keep saying to yourself, "only 2 more hours to go!" she'll
think you're staring at the clock so it's all cool.
-ZA's Sidebar
Here is a poem I created:
If you were a skunk, who would be the first person you would spray?
If you were a donkey, who would be the first one you would kick?
If you were a dog, who's hydrant would you lift your leg at?
If you were a whooperwill, who would you come back to in the spring?
If you were a monkey, what balls would you play with first?
If you were a giant tortise, would you know how to get that lumbering
body into H2O?
If you were a hemaphrodite frog, would you do ********?
If you were a trap door spider, which side of the wall would you spin
your web?
If you were a giant squid, which part of the camper would you sleep?
If you were an amoeba, how many arms would you have?
If you were a monkey, and you wanted to play with another monkey's
balls, would you pilfer them outright or kindly ask them to play?
If you were Jen B., would you prefer to be buried before or after the
ceremony?
QUICK EDIT -> Notice the lack of Hot Dog jokes?
-ZA's final farewell
I'll keep this one short and sweet. And if you were offended by
anything I wrote, just remember I wrote this all in good tasted, and if
you were thinking anything dirty, GET YOUR MIND OUT OF THE GUTTER!
-Chris, "The ZA Meister" Czaplicki
ZA Weekly - First Installment!
Welcome to the first ever installment of the E-ZA Weekly! The first
ever electronic publication dedicated to the ZA, and fans of ZA.
In this issue, you will read about:
-The Life of ZA in 50 words or less
Well, if you were there Wednesday, you would have heard about ZA at the
tender age of 4. Here's an excerpt from the ZA diary:
February 27, 1985
"I got up and took a healthy pu pu. And a fart with blue fog."
March 4, 1985
"I was so good. I was good as life. I ate breakfast. I ate it all. I
never farted that day. I didn't pick my nose that day and didn't run
around in his underpants.
-The ZAfest tomorrow (don't miss it!)
That's right!!! ZAfest Friday, September 17, 1999 starting at 8:00 p.m.
lasting ALL NIGHT LONG!!! There's sure to be plenty of excitement in
store, so don't miss out, or you'll hang yourself in anger. Well, maybe
not but you'll miss out on a lot.
-The ZA shack extra
The Za shack was cleaned on Tuesday, September 14, 1999, and now can
capacitate 8 people comfortably (limit is 40, so don't bring too many
friends :) 7 12-packs of pepsi were purchased so there will not be a
shortage (unless I get too thirsty :) Stink is back and better than ever
but remember this: don't put her food on the floor...she freaks if you
do!
-The ZA rink news
Well, ZA will be working late night for now on (until 1 am most
weeknights), even when I've got class (tues&thurs 6-10 pm). So it looks
like i'm gonna be working 30-35 hrs/week, but that's ok since
hours=$$$$=More ZA!
-The ZA computer news
New ZA Value 6245 model being built featuring the "VIAGRA" motherboard &
more! Try a hands-on demo Friday!!! Retail value, $669.00
-The ZA roadtrip news
Sorry, lack of time has prohibited me from driving around too much in
distant counties. I guess the trips to tri-c metro are ok, but just not
as scenic. Oh well, you can't have everything!
-The ZA P. Jay's report
P.Jay's pizza tastes great!!! Especially w/extra cheese. I at P.Jays
last friday, saturday, sunday, monday, tuesday & wednesday!
-ZA Weather
Tonight, in the ZA shack, partly steamy, temperature 68 degrees,
humidity 52%. Fan is not currently running.
-ZA sports
Indians rule, but Pedro's better. And the bullpen downright sucks. And
Shuey should be the closer. The browns suck, that that's ok. The cavs
suck but no one really cares much :) ZA went to batting cages, blew
apart the 85mph machine, then went to driving range...hit a couple good
ones, but overall not a spectacular performance. Eddie hit the ball
respectable.
-ZA traffic
Lisa almost backed up the sidewalk by being the 6th car in the driveway,
but made a heroic move by going into the street.
-ZA's picks in popular music
The Letter 2 is currently working on their first album, "Innuendo and
Out the Other". Songs include "Return of the Giant Hogweed", "The
Eviscerator", and "In Limbo". Sound samples will be up soon! Be sure
to check out the best up-and-coming band at the next ZA Fest!
-ZA's picks in movies
I'd have to say the Sphere video has been the best in the last two
years. With a production budget of $14.50, it's got the greatest
entertainment value per dollar spent.
-ZA's picks in fashion & romance
Fashion design by Sarah Sloan (aka The Ugly Jenny McCarthy) is
incredibly popular right now!!! Look at what she wears...tight fitting
jeans, baby tee & of course the flowing blonde pony tail, or whatever
that means. Romance may not be in the eyes of ZA, except in fantasy,
which is in the world of it's own. In conclusion is ZA's romantic line
of the week:
ZA: Do you want to ride my spaceship?
ZA: I'll take you out of this world!
-ZA's sidebar
Will be replaced by the Joe Gag update due to potential bodily harm if I
don't. He's a netaholic on that Viagra computer of his, and hates
Eng101 and Theo101. This is who he is.
-ZA's giant squid costume tales
ZA's giant squid costume is currently stored in the ZA camper.
Therefore, it sleeps in harmony with the natural world.
-ZA's "Shoehorn w/string around it" chronicles
The ZA "shoehorn" was given out as a prize 16 times last week.
-ZA's epic battle of:
Loincloth vs. Panties one-on-one!!!
Panties duked it out with the loincloth but the loincloth won, only due
to the dangling scapular that was blessed by God (God is more powerful
than Wordsworth and Daffodils combined!)
-ZA's quote of the week:
"Guns are no more responsible for murders than spoons are responsible
for Oprah's and Rosie O'Donnells being overweight!"
NEW! The ZA FOCUS:
Every week ZA will focus on one topic and analyze it thoroughly...this
week, I will analyze SHIT. That's right, that stuff that comes out
every day (well, hopefully at least) in every form imaginable. Hope you
enjoy!
THE SHIT LIST
THE GHOST SHIT
The kind where you feel shit come out, see shit on the toilet paper,
but
there's no shit in the bowl.
THE CLEAN SHIT
The kind where you feel shit come out, see shit in the bowl, but
there's no shit on the toilet paper.
THE WET SHIT
You wipe your ass fifty times and it still feels unwiped. So you
end up putting toilet paper between your ass and your underwear so you
don't ruin them with those dreadful skid marks.
THE SECOND WAVE SHIT
This shit happenes when you've finished, your pants are up to your
knees, and you suddenly realize you have to shit some more.
THE BRAIN HEMORRAHAGE THROUGH YOUR NOSE SHIT
Also known as "Pop a Vein in your Forehead Shit".
You have to strain so much to get it out that you turn purple and
practically have a stroke.
THE CORN SHIT
No explanation necessary.
THE LINCOLN LOG SHIT
The kind of shit that's so enormous you're afraid to flush it down
without first breaking it up into little pieces with the toilet brush.
THE NORORIUS DRINKER SHIT
The kind of shit you have the morning after a long night of
drinking. It's most noticeable trait is the tread mark left on the bottom of
the toilet bowl after you flush.
THE "GEE, I REALLY WISH I COULD SHIT" SHIT-
The kind where you want to shit, but even after straining your guts
out, all you can do is sit on the toilet, cramped and farting.
THE WET CHEEKS SHIT
Also known as the "Power Dump". That's the kind that comes out of
your ass so fast that your butt cheeks get splashed with the toilet water.
THE LIQUID SHIT
That's the kind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots out of your
butt, splashes all over the side of the toilet bowl and, at the same
time, chronically burns your tender poop-chute.
THE MEXICAN FOOD SHIT
A class all its own.
THE CROWD PLEASER
This shit is so intriguing in size and/or appearance that you have
to show it to someone before flushing.
THE MOOD ENHANCER
This shit occurs after a lengthy period of constipation, thereby
allowing you to be your old self again.
THE RITUAL
This shit occurs at the same time each day and is accomplished with
the aid of a newspaper.
THE GUINNESS BOOK OF RECORDS SHIT
A shit so noteworthy it should be recorded for future generations.
THE AFTERSHOCK SHIT
This shit has an odour so powerful than anyone entering the
vicinity within the next 7 hours is affected.
THE "HONEYMOON'S OVER" SHIT
This is any shit created in the presence of another person.
THE GROANER
A shit so huge it cannot exit without vocal assistance.
THE FLOATER
Characterized by its floatability, this shit has been known to
resurface after many flushings.
THE RANGER
A shit which refuses to let go. It is usually necessary to engage
in a rocking or bouncing motion, but quite often the only solution is
to push it away with a small piece of toilet paper.
THE PHANTOM SHIT
This appears in the toilet mysteriously and no one will admit to
putting it there.
THE PEEK-A-BOO SHIT
Now you see it, now you don't. This shit is playing games with
you. Requires patience and muscle control.
THE BOMBSHELL
A shit that comes as a complete surprise at a time that is either
inappropriate to shit (ie. during lovemaking or a root canal) or
you are nowhere near shitting facilities.
THE SNAKE CHARMER
A long skinny shit which has managed to coil itself into a
frightening position - usually harmless.
THE OLYMPIC SHIT
This shit occurs exactly one hour prior to the start of any
competitive event in which you are entered and bears a close resemblance to
the
Drinker's Shit.
THE BACK-TO-NATURE SHIT
This shit may be of any variety but is always deposited either in
the woods or while hiding behind the passenger side of your car.
THE PEBBLES-FROM-HEAVEN SHIT
An adorable collection of small turds in a cluster, often a gift
from God when you actually CAN'T shit.
PREMEDITATED SHIT
Laxative induced. Doesn't count.
SHITZOPHERENIA
Fear of shitting - can be fatal!
ENERGIZER vs DURACELL SHIT
Also known as a "Still Going" shit.
THE POWER DUMP SHIT
The kind that comes out so fast, you barely get your pants down
when you're done. Also causes excessive splashing off water onto your
buttcheeks
THE LIQUID PLUMBER SHIT
This kind of shit is so big it plugs up the toilet and it overflows
all over the floor. (You should have followed the advice from the
Lincoln Log Shit.)
THE SPINAL TAP SHIT
The kind of shit that hurts so much coming out, you'd swear it's
got to be coming out sideways.
THE "I THINK I'M GIVING BIRTH THROUGH MY ASSHOLE" SHIT
Similar to the Lincoln Log and The Spinal Tap Shits. The shape and
size of the turd resembles a tall boy beer can. Vacuous air space
remains in the rectum for some time afterwards.
THE PORRIDGE SHIT
The type that comes out like toothpaste, and just keeps on coming.
You have two chooces: (a) flush and keep gong, or (b) risk it piling up
to your butt while you sit there helpless.
THE "I'M GOING TO CHEW MY FOOD BETTER" SHIT
When the bag of Dorritos you ate last night lacerates the insides
of your rectum on the way out in the morning.
THE "I THINK I'M TURNING INTO A BUNNY" SHIT
When you drop lots of cute, little round ones that look like
marbles and make tiny splashing sounds when they hit the water.
THE "WHAT THE HELL DIED IN HERE?" SHIT
Also sometimes referred to as The Toxic Dump. Of course you don't
warn anyone of the poisonous bathroom odour. Instead, you stand
innocently near the door and enjoy the show as they run out gaggin and
gasping
for air.
THE "I JUST KNOW THERE'S A TURN STILL DANGLING THERE" SHIT
Where you just sit there patiently and wait for the last cling-on
to drop off because if you wipe now, it's going to smear all over the
place.
Hope you Enjoyed!
-Chris, "The ZA Meister" Czaplicki
It's sure to be an ordeal of immense proportions!
But here's the catch:
You've got to come to the ZA house tomorrow at 12 Noon to get the
lowdown on it all! Since the ZA work schedule prohibits me from any
nighttime activities, the house must be cleared by 5 pm, or else local
authorities will be notified. Any questions? Call the ZA house at
(440)884-9267 for further details.
Hope to see y'all there!
-Chris "The ZA Meister" Czaplicki
ever electronic publication dedicated to the ZA, and fans of ZA.
In this issue, you will read about:
-The Life of ZA in 50 words or less
Well, if you were there Wednesday, you would have heard about ZA at the
tender age of 4. Here's an excerpt from the ZA diary:
February 27, 1985
"I got up and took a healthy pu pu. And a fart with blue fog."
March 4, 1985
"I was so good. I was good as life. I ate breakfast. I ate it all. I
never farted that day. I didn't pick my nose that day and didn't run
around in his underpants.
-The ZAfest tomorrow (don't miss it!)
That's right!!! ZAfest Friday, September 17, 1999 starting at 8:00 p.m.
lasting ALL NIGHT LONG!!! There's sure to be plenty of excitement in
store, so don't miss out, or you'll hang yourself in anger. Well, maybe
not but you'll miss out on a lot.
-The ZA shack extra
The Za shack was cleaned on Tuesday, September 14, 1999, and now can
capacitate 8 people comfortably (limit is 40, so don't bring too many
friends :) 7 12-packs of pepsi were purchased so there will not be a
shortage (unless I get too thirsty :) Stink is back and better than ever
but remember this: don't put her food on the floor...she freaks if you
do!
-The ZA rink news
Well, ZA will be working late night for now on (until 1 am most
weeknights), even when I've got class (tues&thurs 6-10 pm). So it looks
like i'm gonna be working 30-35 hrs/week, but that's ok since
hours=$$$$=More ZA!
-The ZA computer news
New ZA Value 6245 model being built featuring the "VIAGRA" motherboard &
more! Try a hands-on demo Friday!!! Retail value, $669.00
-The ZA roadtrip news
Sorry, lack of time has prohibited me from driving around too much in
distant counties. I guess the trips to tri-c metro are ok, but just not
as scenic. Oh well, you can't have everything!
-The ZA P. Jay's report
P.Jay's pizza tastes great!!! Especially w/extra cheese. I at P.Jays
last friday, saturday, sunday, monday, tuesday & wednesday!
-ZA Weather
Tonight, in the ZA shack, partly steamy, temperature 68 degrees,
humidity 52%. Fan is not currently running.
-ZA sports
Indians rule, but Pedro's better. And the bullpen downright sucks. And
Shuey should be the closer. The browns suck, that that's ok. The cavs
suck but no one really cares much :) ZA went to batting cages, blew
apart the 85mph machine, then went to driving range...hit a couple good
ones, but overall not a spectacular performance. Eddie hit the ball
respectable.
-ZA traffic
Lisa almost backed up the sidewalk by being the 6th car in the driveway,
but made a heroic move by going into the street.
-ZA's picks in popular music
The Letter 2 is currently working on their first album, "Innuendo and
Out the Other". Songs include "Return of the Giant Hogweed", "The
Eviscerator", and "In Limbo". Sound samples will be up soon! Be sure
to check out the best up-and-coming band at the next ZA Fest!
-ZA's picks in movies
I'd have to say the Sphere video has been the best in the last two
years. With a production budget of $14.50, it's got the greatest
entertainment value per dollar spent.
-ZA's picks in fashion & romance
Fashion design by Sarah Sloan (aka The Ugly Jenny McCarthy) is
incredibly popular right now!!! Look at what she wears...tight fitting
jeans, baby tee & of course the flowing blonde pony tail, or whatever
that means. Romance may not be in the eyes of ZA, except in fantasy,
which is in the world of it's own. In conclusion is ZA's romantic line
of the week:
ZA: Do you want to ride my spaceship?
ZA: I'll take you out of this world!
-ZA's sidebar
Will be replaced by the Joe Gag update due to potential bodily harm if I
don't. He's a netaholic on that Viagra computer of his, and hates
Eng101 and Theo101. This is who he is.
-ZA's giant squid costume tales
ZA's giant squid costume is currently stored in the ZA camper.
Therefore, it sleeps in harmony with the natural world.
-ZA's "Shoehorn w/string around it" chronicles
The ZA "shoehorn" was given out as a prize 16 times last week.
-ZA's epic battle of:
Loincloth vs. Panties one-on-one!!!
Panties duked it out with the loincloth but the loincloth won, only due
to the dangling scapular that was blessed by God (God is more powerful
than Wordsworth and Daffodils combined!)
-ZA's quote of the week:
"Guns are no more responsible for murders than spoons are responsible
for Oprah's and Rosie O'Donnells being overweight!"
NEW! The ZA FOCUS:
Every week ZA will focus on one topic and analyze it thoroughly...this
week, I will analyze SHIT. That's right, that stuff that comes out
every day (well, hopefully at least) in every form imaginable. Hope you
enjoy!
THE SHIT LIST
THE GHOST SHIT
The kind where you feel shit come out, see shit on the toilet paper,
but
there's no shit in the bowl.
THE CLEAN SHIT
The kind where you feel shit come out, see shit in the bowl, but
there's no shit on the toilet paper.
THE WET SHIT
You wipe your ass fifty times and it still feels unwiped. So you
end up putting toilet paper between your ass and your underwear so you
don't ruin them with those dreadful skid marks.
THE SECOND WAVE SHIT
This shit happenes when you've finished, your pants are up to your
knees, and you suddenly realize you have to shit some more.
THE BRAIN HEMORRAHAGE THROUGH YOUR NOSE SHIT
Also known as "Pop a Vein in your Forehead Shit".
You have to strain so much to get it out that you turn purple and
practically have a stroke.
THE CORN SHIT
No explanation necessary.
THE LINCOLN LOG SHIT
The kind of shit that's so enormous you're afraid to flush it down
without first breaking it up into little pieces with the toilet brush.
THE NORORIUS DRINKER SHIT
The kind of shit you have the morning after a long night of
drinking. It's most noticeable trait is the tread mark left on the bottom of
the toilet bowl after you flush.
THE "GEE, I REALLY WISH I COULD SHIT" SHIT-
The kind where you want to shit, but even after straining your guts
out, all you can do is sit on the toilet, cramped and farting.
THE WET CHEEKS SHIT
Also known as the "Power Dump". That's the kind that comes out of
your ass so fast that your butt cheeks get splashed with the toilet water.
THE LIQUID SHIT
That's the kind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots out of your
butt, splashes all over the side of the toilet bowl and, at the same
time, chronically burns your tender poop-chute.
THE MEXICAN FOOD SHIT
A class all its own.
THE CROWD PLEASER
This shit is so intriguing in size and/or appearance that you have
to show it to someone before flushing.
THE MOOD ENHANCER
This shit occurs after a lengthy period of constipation, thereby
allowing you to be your old self again.
THE RITUAL
This shit occurs at the same time each day and is accomplished with
the aid of a newspaper.
THE GUINNESS BOOK OF RECORDS SHIT
A shit so noteworthy it should be recorded for future generations.
THE AFTERSHOCK SHIT
This shit has an odour so powerful than anyone entering the
vicinity within the next 7 hours is affected.
THE "HONEYMOON'S OVER" SHIT
This is any shit created in the presence of another person.
THE GROANER
A shit so huge it cannot exit without vocal assistance.
THE FLOATER
Characterized by its floatability, this shit has been known to
resurface after many flushings.
THE RANGER
A shit which refuses to let go. It is usually necessary to engage
in a rocking or bouncing motion, but quite often the only solution is
to push it away with a small piece of toilet paper.
THE PHANTOM SHIT
This appears in the toilet mysteriously and no one will admit to
putting it there.
THE PEEK-A-BOO SHIT
Now you see it, now you don't. This shit is playing games with
you. Requires patience and muscle control.
THE BOMBSHELL
A shit that comes as a complete surprise at a time that is either
inappropriate to shit (ie. during lovemaking or a root canal) or
you are nowhere near shitting facilities.
THE SNAKE CHARMER
A long skinny shit which has managed to coil itself into a
frightening position - usually harmless.
THE OLYMPIC SHIT
This shit occurs exactly one hour prior to the start of any
competitive event in which you are entered and bears a close resemblance to
the
Drinker's Shit.
THE BACK-TO-NATURE SHIT
This shit may be of any variety but is always deposited either in
the woods or while hiding behind the passenger side of your car.
THE PEBBLES-FROM-HEAVEN SHIT
An adorable collection of small turds in a cluster, often a gift
from God when you actually CAN'T shit.
PREMEDITATED SHIT
Laxative induced. Doesn't count.
SHITZOPHERENIA
Fear of shitting - can be fatal!
ENERGIZER vs DURACELL SHIT
Also known as a "Still Going" shit.
THE POWER DUMP SHIT
The kind that comes out so fast, you barely get your pants down
when you're done. Also causes excessive splashing off water onto your
buttcheeks
THE LIQUID PLUMBER SHIT
This kind of shit is so big it plugs up the toilet and it overflows
all over the floor. (You should have followed the advice from the
Lincoln Log Shit.)
THE SPINAL TAP SHIT
The kind of shit that hurts so much coming out, you'd swear it's
got to be coming out sideways.
THE "I THINK I'M GIVING BIRTH THROUGH MY ASSHOLE" SHIT
Similar to the Lincoln Log and The Spinal Tap Shits. The shape and
size of the turd resembles a tall boy beer can. Vacuous air space
remains in the rectum for some time afterwards.
THE PORRIDGE SHIT
The type that comes out like toothpaste, and just keeps on coming.
You have two chooces: (a) flush and keep gong, or (b) risk it piling up
to your butt while you sit there helpless.
THE "I'M GOING TO CHEW MY FOOD BETTER" SHIT
When the bag of Dorritos you ate last night lacerates the insides
of your rectum on the way out in the morning.
THE "I THINK I'M TURNING INTO A BUNNY" SHIT
When you drop lots of cute, little round ones that look like
marbles and make tiny splashing sounds when they hit the water.
THE "WHAT THE HELL DIED IN HERE?" SHIT
Also sometimes referred to as The Toxic Dump. Of course you don't
warn anyone of the poisonous bathroom odour. Instead, you stand
innocently near the door and enjoy the show as they run out gaggin and
gasping
for air.
THE "I JUST KNOW THERE'S A TURN STILL DANGLING THERE" SHIT
Where you just sit there patiently and wait for the last cling-on
to drop off because if you wipe now, it's going to smear all over the
place.
Hope you Enjoyed!
-Chris, "The ZA Meister" Czaplicki
It's sure to be an ordeal of immense proportions!
But here's the catch:
You've got to come to the ZA house tomorrow at 12 Noon to get the
lowdown on it all! Since the ZA work schedule prohibits me from any
nighttime activities, the house must be cleared by 5 pm, or else local
authorities will be notified. Any questions? Call the ZA house at
(440)884-9267 for further details.
Hope to see y'all there!
-Chris "The ZA Meister" Czaplicki
Saturday, January 13, 2001
Year 2000 Review, Part 1
Good evening once again to everyone! I write to y'all today as I reminisce
about the past year for myself, and all the memorable times I have had.
Anyways...tonight I proudly present the official "Chris Czaplicki Year 2000
in Review" - Part 1. This portion will cover the first six months of last
year. I will give short commentary at the end.
January 2000
------------
Ah yes...Y2K is here finally!!! Blow ur party whistles and scream like a
raging gorilla because it's a new millenium (wait a second -- no it's NOT).
But still we were all glad that all the fear of the Y2K bug was finally
slowing down...even though I still had to go thru looking at a bathtub
filled w/water, 3 boxes full of canned food (which we still haven't used up
yet :)...and countless jugs of h2o that would be able to quench the thirst
of a million thirsty camels (or horses, grizzly bears or overweight snow
leopards for that matter). Anyways, life was good and the new year had
started out with a bang!
To add to the craze even more, I had received a message from Geoff that he
had just been engaged to Vickie!!! Congrats, Geoff...glad to see that
everything is still going strong thru the year -- hope it continues on that
path!
Then reality set it a little...that is - when I received my first credit
card bills. It really wasn't that big of a deal at first, but it was the
beginning of a very long road for myself...I mean -- you know what happens
when you get a credit card; you spend a lot!!! And I did. Over the year
2000 I put over $12,000 in charges on my card. UGH. Luckily, I was able to
pay them off in full until the fall. But we'll discuss that in my next
e-mail, ok? Good!
I also continued taking classes at Tri-C in January, at the Unified
Technology Campus downtown. The classes were for budding computer techs,
and suffice to say I was well beyond the normal aptitude level of most (if
not all) of the students. It was still fairly interesting, 'cause there
were a lot of cool ppl in my class (all adults -- I was the youngest
there -- HAY -- people that were actually MATURE!). Anyways, I breezed thru
all the classes while attending approximately 30-40% of the time.
January also saw the continuing success of MTG-Palace.COM - My site which
sold Magic: the Gathering singles. This was a very good money-maker, and
business was booming (well, at least in a sense). Anyways, I got my domain
up and running...and I met this cool kid from Canada that helped my build my
website. His name was Trevor...he was 15 and had some cool ideas, so I let
him have fun and in turn he built a really good site for me. Everything was
going great at MTG-Palace for the time being. Organization was good...lots
of happy customers, and I was enjoying the extra income it was providing.
ZaFesting was still around it's peak. Things were really rockin' in the Za
Shack every weekend, as myself and a few of the Padua Seniors (Alex, Nally,
Mazzola) had tons of fun 'n' excitement escaping to another reality in the
form of shredding each other w/Rocket Launcers, shotguns, Razor Jacks and of
course...the GES BioRifle! It was so cool. Then Nally thought it would be
cool to build his own DOOM level. So in turn he created Padua.WAD -- a
level which was identical to Padua's floorplan, which special weaponry such
as the "Detention Launcher", Fish gun of course the patented "Pikachu 9000".
Yay. Double Yay. That was only a year ago!!! Wow, how much things have
changed!
And that was January. Never a dull moment...at least it seems that way now.
Life seemed just absolutely wonderful, and it was for the most part. Now on
to Febtober.
February, 2000
--------------
The first thing that comes to mind when you say the month February is that
my birthday lies inside!!! And the same held true in 2000. That's right
everyone -- On February 11, I was born exactly 19 years before. I have been
living on this earth for a long time now, it seems. I remember when I was
5! Geez how things are sooo much different. Even from when I was 16! But
that was so cool...because with every birthday comes a big humungous
PARTY!!! And this year was no different. Yes...ZaFesting was in
full-swing, and so was Unreal Tournament! Yes my friends, remember the
times when Alex was Mr. SuperCamper -- and I like to jump around with a
loaded rocket launcher? Yep -- I definitely can recall!
But definitely the biggest thing of the month...and quite possibly the most
distinguishing event of the year was the start of my internship downtown.
The story was simple. I saw a job ad at school Thursday...sent a resume
Friday...went for an interview the following Monday and started work
Wednesday!!! Couldn't have gone any better for myself. And the 6 months I
was down there were absolutely amazing -- got to experience the "Real World"
for the very first time...very overwhelming at first, but definitely a great
experience overall. There really isn't that much more I can say, except for
the fact that I now had 2 jobs, so I was working quite a lot (50 hours/wk
average), but I was pulling in quite a bit of cash now. Which was very
good, except that it gave me the opportunity to spend even more money, which
isn't a fun habit to break!
February was also a month in which I had taken many a journey to Valex
Computer store. Geez...all the gas and time it took to run out there every
week and buy more and more and more computer schtuff. But it wasn't exactly
the most pleasant experience, I guess...but I really don't regret any of it.
Kinda tough to explain, actually. Ok, not really -- I'll go ahead:
Ordering online is so much more painless and cheaper!!! At Valex you had to
wait for 2 hours just to get service (usually on their big couch in the
store), that is -- if they were even open! And half the time you didn't
even receive what you wanted, because they didn't have anything in stock,
really. Oh well, I learned the hard way.
I had joined Padua once again as a 5th year Senior in the 4th annual
Buzzerpalooza Quiz Team tournament at Case Western. This time, I was part
of a Chimera team -- and beat the Homeschoolers!!!!!!! OH YES YOU DON'T
KNOW HOW GREAT OF A FEELING IT WAS! I really really wish those days were
still around. I had such a great time that day...even though Alex and I sat
in the waiting area playing smb2lev2.mid on the piano for like, an hour :)
But everything was just great. Some kind of wonderful, at least. Got to
see Allison and Mr. Cohen once again, as well as some old faces from
different schools (sorry, no bearded lady this time :(
There were a couple really annoying things that happened, though. First, my
car was being really stupid. Or at least, the performance was sub-par. I'm
talking about the malfunctioning fuel pump, which caused me to stall in the
intersection of State-Brookpark, as well as the onramp of I-480. You see,
my Camaro was sick. It would not accelerate, and the top speed reached 30
MPH, for the first 15 minutes of operation. That was VERY frustrating.
GRRR. But I got it fixed, and I wanted to take a roadtrip soon...which I
did. To the middle of nowhere, as usual (not to be confused with the first
Hanson album, which I am glad to say I DO NOT OWN). But that's that. Then
there was Alex's fun attempts at his own DOOM level, Tourney2.wad. Sorry
that it didn't work out, Alex. I know for a fact that must've been sorta
frustrating for ya. And in a sense, the DOOM era ended around that time.
Dangit.
March, 2000
-----------
March came in like a lion, and went out like a lamb. Or at least a very
saddened, broken one. It all started out absolutely great when spring break
had arrived for the college crew. March 3rd was the famed return of
GAG-LI-AR-DI fest, in which we furthered our skillz in Age of Empires 2.
Correctus. ZaFesting with everyone was once again in session, and it was
beginning to get warmer too! I was doing very well with work, and every day
seemed like a brand new adventure. Wow, seems like just an absolutely great
time, doesn't it?
Then spring break ended, but St. Patrick's Day was just around the corner.
Care to party? I sure did. Cyber-style! And that was the story of my life
in March, for the most part. I got a paycheck every week...and was ready to
spend every penny of it on some new toy or gizmo. A CD-Burner was the
gadget of choice for March, and so I now had the opportunity to make lots
and lots and lots of copies of games and muzak. Well...not especially,
since there really wasn't much time in my busified life to do so.
They say when it rains...it pours. Well, if there was ever a saying to
compare my life with at the time, this would be it. Or at least that's the
way I see it. Yes, I have to mention the rink at least 'once' in every
e-mail and my opportunity is finally here once again. But this time, it's
not good news for myself. The date was March 31st, a Friday night -- the
last open skate of the season at the rink. Anyways, as the story
goes...after skating we all were sorta excited about everything, and we all
kinda lost it, myself included. Yes, that was the day that I accidentally
hit a girl in the eye with a snowball. I threw it pretty hard, too.
Needless to say she went to the hospital, the parents were infuriated and I
was totally broken. And there's really no doubt why I felt that way...I was
not only fearing the almost certain loss of a valued job (moreless a way of
life), but also the loss of innocence that I had held for such a long time.
I felt terrible. I just remember seeing the girl (her name is Jessica)
crying as I helplessly stood there trying to provide any compassion that I
could. It took me a VERY LONG time to get over the entire ordeal. How
long??? I might want to say 'September' but it was very likely TODAY. Why
today??? Well, as the story goes -- Jessica came up to the rink tonight for
open skate...for the first time since the incident. I saw her, she smiled
at me and told me "no more snowballs" half-jokingly. But even though I felt
a little uneasy (and really didn't know what to say), it felt so good
knowing that we were finally at peace with the entire situation.
So that was March in a nutshell. Pretty much same ol' same ol' with a twist
at the end. And even though this twist was a negative one, at least
everything turned out just fine and dandy in the end.
APRIL, 2000
-----------
After the devastating ending of March came the promises of April. Reality
from the evening before had not totally set in on April Fools Day, in which
it was time for yet, another ZaFest!!! Yay. But not really, since I was
really in for some tough times in the next couple of weeks regarding my job
status at the rink. Eventually, everything was worked out and I had only
received a "stern warning" after reviewing my work history, etc. So I
continued working...and working...and working. And earning quite a lot of
cold, hard cash in the process. I didn't have any big bills or financial
obligations, and I spent very freely. I once wrote "money is growing on a
huge happy tree for me". I could hit myself over the head with a spiked
tree branch for saying that now. But that was reality then, I guess. And
there were a lot of things I looked forward to, such as the summer.
Computer gaming still went on strong, and I proposed to make things even
stronger. And so evolved the "Cyberpalace gamers league". A website that
would be dedicated to computer gaming, and everything related. I had
selected my corporate hierarchy, as well as the roles which everyone could
fill. Cyberpalace was a "brain trust". All of the directors were in fact,
"geniuses" so obviously that term was appropriate. I was very excited, and
even registered the CYBERPALACE.CC web domain. I thought things would take
off, but unfortunately, due to lack of interest, nothing much really
happened. Maybe I was too busy working my a$$ off. Or maybe we were just
happy as it was without the business portion. Oh well, there were other
opportunities.
Another exciting event (or thing, actually) was the initial construction of
the ZA File Server. Not too much to start off...ZA Server 1.0 was actually
nothing more than a 486 with 4 540MB Hard drives. It worked out fairly
well, since it was able to store small things, such as drivers, personal
files (e-mail) and other miscellaneous things that could be shared across
the network at anytime. Which was really fun at the time.
Easter was fun. Once again everyone was home, so it was another great
opportunity to gather all the pals 'round Da Shack for some entertainment.
And so we did, and the show went on as usual.
Unfortunately, at the same time my sister became very sick once again. And
when she's in the hospital, my parents aren't exactly the greatest when it
comes to handling situations. Oh well, I guess I have to live with it.
Grrr. Arrgh. I just wish my sister could just have the opportunity to
enjoy life without having to worry about getting sick all the time. If
only...
MAY, 2000
---------
The month of May continued just as April had left off. Except some things
were getting sort of ridiculous now. I was working 65 hours/week at one
point, and I was getting totally burnt out and unable to really do too much
else. But things were starting to turn around in that department. The rink
season was over (finally) and gave way to new horizons working senior grass
cutting. Which wasn't very exciting, but at least I was down to working a
consistent 40 hrs/wk. Although this didn't last long either. It was
apparent that the city job wasn't worth the pay, and I was beginning to
really despise getting up early every day with little reward or
satisfaction. By the end of the month, I had quite the grass-cutting job
all together.
Back at home, Cyberpalace had advanced considerably in a few short weeks.
Although the web page had never gained recognition, significant changes were
made to the Cyberpalace server. A permanent computer had been chosen to be
used as a file server, running Windows NT 4.0 At the time, my monitor stock
was low so I was forced to re-introduce the infamous Compaq color-blind
monitor :) And so life was good again. To top things off, I had hopes of
getting DSL service installed, but all my hopes came crashing down when
Ameritech decided to be stupid because they were totally backed up for
service, and they wanted to start charging me $40/mo. when they didn't even
know how long it would take to get the line up. Grrr again. Oh well, this
year will be different!
Not much else happened, but that was ok since summer was just a few short
weeks away. It had even started somewhat, since most of the colleges let
out during the month, and it was time to gather together once again to share
in all the great times.
JUNE, 2000
----------
If you remember anything about June, you'll definitely remember the
astounding increase in gas prices! That wasn't fun. But what else is new.
Now that school was out for everyone, and I was only working 25 hours/wk, it
was time to relax and take in the fun in the summer sun. Ok...maybe I
relaxed "too" much. Naaaah. I'm young...there's nothing wrong with takin'
it easy once in awhile. But not to the extent that I did...maybe. I was
starting to get all bent-outta-shape sorta, and it wasn't easy for myself to
do some things that maybe weren't as difficult before. So I decided to
start the "Get Chris Czaplicki in shape" campaign. OK -- it wasn't much of
a campaign. It involved myself riding my bike downtown and back one hot,
summer day. And I remember that day all-too well. The trip down there
wasn't that terribly bad, but on the way back I barely made it. Bear in
mind it was all uphill, and I wasn't really in the best-of-shape. So my
very tired and winded body struggled mightily to finally get back home.
That was tough. Maybe too tough. Whatever it was, I didn't do too much
biking or other exercise after that.
Back in January, I had mentioned that my MTG-Palace site was booming. Well
after a few months of steady decline fueled by a lack of motivation,
interest had all but dwindled to nothing. Still though, the new set
Prophecy had come out, and so I bought a case of cards, in which I received
some pretty amazing cards which kindled the fire of my interests. I put a
couple of my best FOIL cards on eBay, and they both sold for a hefty price,
so I was pretty happy about that. Otherwise, not too much happened, and I
was left with a binder full of unused cards and nowhere to go with them.
And as always, I got some more toys as well...ok - one very useful toy. And
that is my scanner. The ultimate HP Scanjet 3300 Cse. Ok, maybe not "the
ultimate" but it does the job, and for $100 it wasn't a bad deal. So I
scanned a few things, had fun and put it away for awhile. Even though I
don't use it much now, I think it will definitely be useful in the near
future with all my endeavors.
Padua's seniors graduated in June (congrats, again)...and so everyone was
able to have fun doing various things, such as holding and attending
graduation parties. Alex had a graduation party. It was fun. It was
exciting watching Alex and his dad play euchre. It was even funner playin'
b-ball with everyone (really wish I could do it more often). I had gone
swimming in the water. It was enjoyable. Even with all those warm pockets
where supposedly the "pee content" was above average. Yes, we all had phun.
There was a lot of chockablock action. There was a lot of high-flying
action. Nally introduced us to 'capture the flag'. Unfortunately, for
myself, I got injured -- which set off a huge daisy chain of other physical
problems that I will not discuss until July's analysis (you'll have to wait
until next week people).
So all in all, June could be summed up as "fun and inertia all in one".
Sure I was very, very lazy -- but I was enjoying life simultaneously. I
barely worked, and I definitely took advantage. Crazy, eh?
Ok, well, thats a wrap for the first half of 2K. From an outsider's point
of view, things were pretty "peach-ee" for myself, and I can agree that it
definitely was so. Still, the snowball incident cast a shadow over myself
for a very, very long time and I was never able to really get over the
entire matter. I dunno...I guess I'm pretty sensitive to that kinda
schtuff -- Ok I'm pretty sensitive all around.
The latter half of 2000 was interesting to say the least. A lot of good. A
lot of bad. A lot of ugly. Definitely not the same as the beginning of the
year. It was a huge roller-coaster ride. Wanna join and take a look back
at it? Then be sure to tune in next week at this locality. To have a
heaving helping of my ZA. (and hospitality even)
Cya L8R
-Chris
about the past year for myself, and all the memorable times I have had.
Anyways...tonight I proudly present the official "Chris Czaplicki Year 2000
in Review" - Part 1. This portion will cover the first six months of last
year. I will give short commentary at the end.
January 2000
------------
Ah yes...Y2K is here finally!!! Blow ur party whistles and scream like a
raging gorilla because it's a new millenium (wait a second -- no it's NOT).
But still we were all glad that all the fear of the Y2K bug was finally
slowing down...even though I still had to go thru looking at a bathtub
filled w/water, 3 boxes full of canned food (which we still haven't used up
yet :)...and countless jugs of h2o that would be able to quench the thirst
of a million thirsty camels (or horses, grizzly bears or overweight snow
leopards for that matter). Anyways, life was good and the new year had
started out with a bang!
To add to the craze even more, I had received a message from Geoff that he
had just been engaged to Vickie!!! Congrats, Geoff...glad to see that
everything is still going strong thru the year -- hope it continues on that
path!
Then reality set it a little...that is - when I received my first credit
card bills. It really wasn't that big of a deal at first, but it was the
beginning of a very long road for myself...I mean -- you know what happens
when you get a credit card; you spend a lot!!! And I did. Over the year
2000 I put over $12,000 in charges on my card. UGH. Luckily, I was able to
pay them off in full until the fall. But we'll discuss that in my next
e-mail, ok? Good!
I also continued taking classes at Tri-C in January, at the Unified
Technology Campus downtown. The classes were for budding computer techs,
and suffice to say I was well beyond the normal aptitude level of most (if
not all) of the students. It was still fairly interesting, 'cause there
were a lot of cool ppl in my class (all adults -- I was the youngest
there -- HAY -- people that were actually MATURE!). Anyways, I breezed thru
all the classes while attending approximately 30-40% of the time.
January also saw the continuing success of MTG-Palace.COM - My site which
sold Magic: the Gathering singles. This was a very good money-maker, and
business was booming (well, at least in a sense). Anyways, I got my domain
up and running...and I met this cool kid from Canada that helped my build my
website. His name was Trevor...he was 15 and had some cool ideas, so I let
him have fun and in turn he built a really good site for me. Everything was
going great at MTG-Palace for the time being. Organization was good...lots
of happy customers, and I was enjoying the extra income it was providing.
ZaFesting was still around it's peak. Things were really rockin' in the Za
Shack every weekend, as myself and a few of the Padua Seniors (Alex, Nally,
Mazzola) had tons of fun 'n' excitement escaping to another reality in the
form of shredding each other w/Rocket Launcers, shotguns, Razor Jacks and of
course...the GES BioRifle! It was so cool. Then Nally thought it would be
cool to build his own DOOM level. So in turn he created Padua.WAD -- a
level which was identical to Padua's floorplan, which special weaponry such
as the "Detention Launcher", Fish gun of course the patented "Pikachu 9000".
Yay. Double Yay. That was only a year ago!!! Wow, how much things have
changed!
And that was January. Never a dull moment...at least it seems that way now.
Life seemed just absolutely wonderful, and it was for the most part. Now on
to Febtober.
February, 2000
--------------
The first thing that comes to mind when you say the month February is that
my birthday lies inside!!! And the same held true in 2000. That's right
everyone -- On February 11, I was born exactly 19 years before. I have been
living on this earth for a long time now, it seems. I remember when I was
5! Geez how things are sooo much different. Even from when I was 16! But
that was so cool...because with every birthday comes a big humungous
PARTY!!! And this year was no different. Yes...ZaFesting was in
full-swing, and so was Unreal Tournament! Yes my friends, remember the
times when Alex was Mr. SuperCamper -- and I like to jump around with a
loaded rocket launcher? Yep -- I definitely can recall!
But definitely the biggest thing of the month...and quite possibly the most
distinguishing event of the year was the start of my internship downtown.
The story was simple. I saw a job ad at school Thursday...sent a resume
Friday...went for an interview the following Monday and started work
Wednesday!!! Couldn't have gone any better for myself. And the 6 months I
was down there were absolutely amazing -- got to experience the "Real World"
for the very first time...very overwhelming at first, but definitely a great
experience overall. There really isn't that much more I can say, except for
the fact that I now had 2 jobs, so I was working quite a lot (50 hours/wk
average), but I was pulling in quite a bit of cash now. Which was very
good, except that it gave me the opportunity to spend even more money, which
isn't a fun habit to break!
February was also a month in which I had taken many a journey to Valex
Computer store. Geez...all the gas and time it took to run out there every
week and buy more and more and more computer schtuff. But it wasn't exactly
the most pleasant experience, I guess...but I really don't regret any of it.
Kinda tough to explain, actually. Ok, not really -- I'll go ahead:
Ordering online is so much more painless and cheaper!!! At Valex you had to
wait for 2 hours just to get service (usually on their big couch in the
store), that is -- if they were even open! And half the time you didn't
even receive what you wanted, because they didn't have anything in stock,
really. Oh well, I learned the hard way.
I had joined Padua once again as a 5th year Senior in the 4th annual
Buzzerpalooza Quiz Team tournament at Case Western. This time, I was part
of a Chimera team -- and beat the Homeschoolers!!!!!!! OH YES YOU DON'T
KNOW HOW GREAT OF A FEELING IT WAS! I really really wish those days were
still around. I had such a great time that day...even though Alex and I sat
in the waiting area playing smb2lev2.mid on the piano for like, an hour :)
But everything was just great. Some kind of wonderful, at least. Got to
see Allison and Mr. Cohen once again, as well as some old faces from
different schools (sorry, no bearded lady this time :(
There were a couple really annoying things that happened, though. First, my
car was being really stupid. Or at least, the performance was sub-par. I'm
talking about the malfunctioning fuel pump, which caused me to stall in the
intersection of State-Brookpark, as well as the onramp of I-480. You see,
my Camaro was sick. It would not accelerate, and the top speed reached 30
MPH, for the first 15 minutes of operation. That was VERY frustrating.
GRRR. But I got it fixed, and I wanted to take a roadtrip soon...which I
did. To the middle of nowhere, as usual (not to be confused with the first
Hanson album, which I am glad to say I DO NOT OWN). But that's that. Then
there was Alex's fun attempts at his own DOOM level, Tourney2.wad. Sorry
that it didn't work out, Alex. I know for a fact that must've been sorta
frustrating for ya. And in a sense, the DOOM era ended around that time.
Dangit.
March, 2000
-----------
March came in like a lion, and went out like a lamb. Or at least a very
saddened, broken one. It all started out absolutely great when spring break
had arrived for the college crew. March 3rd was the famed return of
GAG-LI-AR-DI fest, in which we furthered our skillz in Age of Empires 2.
Correctus. ZaFesting with everyone was once again in session, and it was
beginning to get warmer too! I was doing very well with work, and every day
seemed like a brand new adventure. Wow, seems like just an absolutely great
time, doesn't it?
Then spring break ended, but St. Patrick's Day was just around the corner.
Care to party? I sure did. Cyber-style! And that was the story of my life
in March, for the most part. I got a paycheck every week...and was ready to
spend every penny of it on some new toy or gizmo. A CD-Burner was the
gadget of choice for March, and so I now had the opportunity to make lots
and lots and lots of copies of games and muzak. Well...not especially,
since there really wasn't much time in my busified life to do so.
They say when it rains...it pours. Well, if there was ever a saying to
compare my life with at the time, this would be it. Or at least that's the
way I see it. Yes, I have to mention the rink at least 'once' in every
e-mail and my opportunity is finally here once again. But this time, it's
not good news for myself. The date was March 31st, a Friday night -- the
last open skate of the season at the rink. Anyways, as the story
goes...after skating we all were sorta excited about everything, and we all
kinda lost it, myself included. Yes, that was the day that I accidentally
hit a girl in the eye with a snowball. I threw it pretty hard, too.
Needless to say she went to the hospital, the parents were infuriated and I
was totally broken. And there's really no doubt why I felt that way...I was
not only fearing the almost certain loss of a valued job (moreless a way of
life), but also the loss of innocence that I had held for such a long time.
I felt terrible. I just remember seeing the girl (her name is Jessica)
crying as I helplessly stood there trying to provide any compassion that I
could. It took me a VERY LONG time to get over the entire ordeal. How
long??? I might want to say 'September' but it was very likely TODAY. Why
today??? Well, as the story goes -- Jessica came up to the rink tonight for
open skate...for the first time since the incident. I saw her, she smiled
at me and told me "no more snowballs" half-jokingly. But even though I felt
a little uneasy (and really didn't know what to say), it felt so good
knowing that we were finally at peace with the entire situation.
So that was March in a nutshell. Pretty much same ol' same ol' with a twist
at the end. And even though this twist was a negative one, at least
everything turned out just fine and dandy in the end.
APRIL, 2000
-----------
After the devastating ending of March came the promises of April. Reality
from the evening before had not totally set in on April Fools Day, in which
it was time for yet, another ZaFest!!! Yay. But not really, since I was
really in for some tough times in the next couple of weeks regarding my job
status at the rink. Eventually, everything was worked out and I had only
received a "stern warning" after reviewing my work history, etc. So I
continued working...and working...and working. And earning quite a lot of
cold, hard cash in the process. I didn't have any big bills or financial
obligations, and I spent very freely. I once wrote "money is growing on a
huge happy tree for me". I could hit myself over the head with a spiked
tree branch for saying that now. But that was reality then, I guess. And
there were a lot of things I looked forward to, such as the summer.
Computer gaming still went on strong, and I proposed to make things even
stronger. And so evolved the "Cyberpalace gamers league". A website that
would be dedicated to computer gaming, and everything related. I had
selected my corporate hierarchy, as well as the roles which everyone could
fill. Cyberpalace was a "brain trust". All of the directors were in fact,
"geniuses" so obviously that term was appropriate. I was very excited, and
even registered the CYBERPALACE.CC web domain. I thought things would take
off, but unfortunately, due to lack of interest, nothing much really
happened. Maybe I was too busy working my a$$ off. Or maybe we were just
happy as it was without the business portion. Oh well, there were other
opportunities.
Another exciting event (or thing, actually) was the initial construction of
the ZA File Server. Not too much to start off...ZA Server 1.0 was actually
nothing more than a 486 with 4 540MB Hard drives. It worked out fairly
well, since it was able to store small things, such as drivers, personal
files (e-mail) and other miscellaneous things that could be shared across
the network at anytime. Which was really fun at the time.
Easter was fun. Once again everyone was home, so it was another great
opportunity to gather all the pals 'round Da Shack for some entertainment.
And so we did, and the show went on as usual.
Unfortunately, at the same time my sister became very sick once again. And
when she's in the hospital, my parents aren't exactly the greatest when it
comes to handling situations. Oh well, I guess I have to live with it.
Grrr. Arrgh. I just wish my sister could just have the opportunity to
enjoy life without having to worry about getting sick all the time. If
only...
MAY, 2000
---------
The month of May continued just as April had left off. Except some things
were getting sort of ridiculous now. I was working 65 hours/week at one
point, and I was getting totally burnt out and unable to really do too much
else. But things were starting to turn around in that department. The rink
season was over (finally) and gave way to new horizons working senior grass
cutting. Which wasn't very exciting, but at least I was down to working a
consistent 40 hrs/wk. Although this didn't last long either. It was
apparent that the city job wasn't worth the pay, and I was beginning to
really despise getting up early every day with little reward or
satisfaction. By the end of the month, I had quite the grass-cutting job
all together.
Back at home, Cyberpalace had advanced considerably in a few short weeks.
Although the web page had never gained recognition, significant changes were
made to the Cyberpalace server. A permanent computer had been chosen to be
used as a file server, running Windows NT 4.0 At the time, my monitor stock
was low so I was forced to re-introduce the infamous Compaq color-blind
monitor :) And so life was good again. To top things off, I had hopes of
getting DSL service installed, but all my hopes came crashing down when
Ameritech decided to be stupid because they were totally backed up for
service, and they wanted to start charging me $40/mo. when they didn't even
know how long it would take to get the line up. Grrr again. Oh well, this
year will be different!
Not much else happened, but that was ok since summer was just a few short
weeks away. It had even started somewhat, since most of the colleges let
out during the month, and it was time to gather together once again to share
in all the great times.
JUNE, 2000
----------
If you remember anything about June, you'll definitely remember the
astounding increase in gas prices! That wasn't fun. But what else is new.
Now that school was out for everyone, and I was only working 25 hours/wk, it
was time to relax and take in the fun in the summer sun. Ok...maybe I
relaxed "too" much. Naaaah. I'm young...there's nothing wrong with takin'
it easy once in awhile. But not to the extent that I did...maybe. I was
starting to get all bent-outta-shape sorta, and it wasn't easy for myself to
do some things that maybe weren't as difficult before. So I decided to
start the "Get Chris Czaplicki in shape" campaign. OK -- it wasn't much of
a campaign. It involved myself riding my bike downtown and back one hot,
summer day. And I remember that day all-too well. The trip down there
wasn't that terribly bad, but on the way back I barely made it. Bear in
mind it was all uphill, and I wasn't really in the best-of-shape. So my
very tired and winded body struggled mightily to finally get back home.
That was tough. Maybe too tough. Whatever it was, I didn't do too much
biking or other exercise after that.
Back in January, I had mentioned that my MTG-Palace site was booming. Well
after a few months of steady decline fueled by a lack of motivation,
interest had all but dwindled to nothing. Still though, the new set
Prophecy had come out, and so I bought a case of cards, in which I received
some pretty amazing cards which kindled the fire of my interests. I put a
couple of my best FOIL cards on eBay, and they both sold for a hefty price,
so I was pretty happy about that. Otherwise, not too much happened, and I
was left with a binder full of unused cards and nowhere to go with them.
And as always, I got some more toys as well...ok - one very useful toy. And
that is my scanner. The ultimate HP Scanjet 3300 Cse. Ok, maybe not "the
ultimate" but it does the job, and for $100 it wasn't a bad deal. So I
scanned a few things, had fun and put it away for awhile. Even though I
don't use it much now, I think it will definitely be useful in the near
future with all my endeavors.
Padua's seniors graduated in June (congrats, again)...and so everyone was
able to have fun doing various things, such as holding and attending
graduation parties. Alex had a graduation party. It was fun. It was
exciting watching Alex and his dad play euchre. It was even funner playin'
b-ball with everyone (really wish I could do it more often). I had gone
swimming in the water. It was enjoyable. Even with all those warm pockets
where supposedly the "pee content" was above average. Yes, we all had phun.
There was a lot of chockablock action. There was a lot of high-flying
action. Nally introduced us to 'capture the flag'. Unfortunately, for
myself, I got injured -- which set off a huge daisy chain of other physical
problems that I will not discuss until July's analysis (you'll have to wait
until next week people).
So all in all, June could be summed up as "fun and inertia all in one".
Sure I was very, very lazy -- but I was enjoying life simultaneously. I
barely worked, and I definitely took advantage. Crazy, eh?
Ok, well, thats a wrap for the first half of 2K. From an outsider's point
of view, things were pretty "peach-ee" for myself, and I can agree that it
definitely was so. Still, the snowball incident cast a shadow over myself
for a very, very long time and I was never able to really get over the
entire matter. I dunno...I guess I'm pretty sensitive to that kinda
schtuff -- Ok I'm pretty sensitive all around.
The latter half of 2000 was interesting to say the least. A lot of good. A
lot of bad. A lot of ugly. Definitely not the same as the beginning of the
year. It was a huge roller-coaster ride. Wanna join and take a look back
at it? Then be sure to tune in next week at this locality. To have a
heaving helping of my ZA. (and hospitality even)
Cya L8R
-Chris
Tuesday, January 9, 2001
This Sucks!
This sucks. It really doesn't feel good when you got the feeling that
someone's jamming a screwdriver into your ear. Very painful. But that was
yesterday. Today my earache has vanished, but my terrible cold is still
here :( Oh well, maybe tomorrow I'll finally feel better. It's gonna be
warm too...like 40 or somethin'!
Anyone awake out there? Lemme know what's up w/everyone -- haven't really
gotten the opportunity for much chit-chattery as of late. Oh well...there
will be plenty of fun times!
And of course...I would like to announce that I will be sending out the
first E-ZA Weekly for 2001, either later today or tomorrow (I hope). I know
everyone's been hovering around their comps checking their e-mails every 5
minutes for it -- and guess what...the day may finally come? The subject?
Take a little trip back with me to 2000.
I'll see ya all later!
-Chris
someone's jamming a screwdriver into your ear. Very painful. But that was
yesterday. Today my earache has vanished, but my terrible cold is still
here :( Oh well, maybe tomorrow I'll finally feel better. It's gonna be
warm too...like 40 or somethin'!
Anyone awake out there? Lemme know what's up w/everyone -- haven't really
gotten the opportunity for much chit-chattery as of late. Oh well...there
will be plenty of fun times!
And of course...I would like to announce that I will be sending out the
first E-ZA Weekly for 2001, either later today or tomorrow (I hope). I know
everyone's been hovering around their comps checking their e-mails every 5
minutes for it -- and guess what...the day may finally come? The subject?
Take a little trip back with me to 2000.
I'll see ya all later!
-Chris
Friday, January 5, 2001
January 5, 2001
Ok...I might sound like I'm rambling, and I probably am. But it's 4:12am
and I just feel like writing something.
Anyways, I went to the doctor yesterday and I had a whole bunch 'o' tests
done on me and schtuff. This summer I got really sick and my lungs were in
absolutely terrible shape. I had lost a lot of weight, and I felt really
bad at times, because all I did was sit in an office all day. I almost had
to be admitted into the hospital. Then, yesterday I learned that I was
finally back to normal after many months of very rigorous physical activity
(aka getting in shape :) - and everything else. NO Medicines -- Mr. ZA does
not believe in all these drugs -- the mind can do anything. And it did.
Oh well, I just like to say positive things as often as possible (especially
since so much undesirable schtuff happens a lot)...but I'm like that. And I
know all my friends like to hear good things too. And I know I have the
support of everyone, which keeps me going. I could've easily let things
slip this summer, and let myself get all fucked up and everything (excuse my
language, but that's really how I felt) But that's not how I wanted it --
if nothing else, I did it for all my family and friends. My life is so good
right now that there's absolutely no reason to be so careless like I was at
one point. But everything is good now. My next step is trying to finish
paying off all those credit card bills :) (I'm about halfway there -- I'll
give everyone another happy e-mail when that's done too!)
Allright, TTYL
-Chris
and I just feel like writing something.
Anyways, I went to the doctor yesterday and I had a whole bunch 'o' tests
done on me and schtuff. This summer I got really sick and my lungs were in
absolutely terrible shape. I had lost a lot of weight, and I felt really
bad at times, because all I did was sit in an office all day. I almost had
to be admitted into the hospital. Then, yesterday I learned that I was
finally back to normal after many months of very rigorous physical activity
(aka getting in shape :) - and everything else. NO Medicines -- Mr. ZA does
not believe in all these drugs -- the mind can do anything. And it did.
Oh well, I just like to say positive things as often as possible (especially
since so much undesirable schtuff happens a lot)...but I'm like that. And I
know all my friends like to hear good things too. And I know I have the
support of everyone, which keeps me going. I could've easily let things
slip this summer, and let myself get all fucked up and everything (excuse my
language, but that's really how I felt) But that's not how I wanted it --
if nothing else, I did it for all my family and friends. My life is so good
right now that there's absolutely no reason to be so careless like I was at
one point. But everything is good now. My next step is trying to finish
paying off all those credit card bills :) (I'm about halfway there -- I'll
give everyone another happy e-mail when that's done too!)
Allright, TTYL
-Chris
Wednesday, January 3, 2001
Best of Luck in 2001!!!
Just want to take time to wish each and every one of you guys (and gals) a
very happy and promising New Year!!! Hopefully things will go as well for
everyone as they have in past times...or even better! I know I'm looking
forward to a great time in 2001...there are just a few things I'd like to
let everyone be aware of:
I could go on for days and days writing all sort of New Years Resolutions
that would be impossible to follow, but instead I will spend about 30-45
minutes of quality time contemplating my goals to achieve during the next 12
months. Oh, and BTW -- before I begin I would like to invite everyone to
share their "Resolutions" as well...remember -- we're all family here :)
First the easy goals: (remember, the simple things are most important)
-Breath approximately 3.15 million times
-Consume between 1 million-1.2 million calories
-Write my name at least 2,000 times
-Write my name on the teacher's blackboard 0 times
-Work somewhere between 1,500 and 2,000 hours
-Eat somewhere between 1,500 and 2,000 hours (WHAT???) Hours = Chicken
Sandwiches
-Eat 0 Hot Dogs
-Eat approximately 125-150 Pizza Subs
-Eat approximately 300-500 pieces of P. Jay's Pizza
-Devour 200-300 Chicken Tenders Sandwiches
(I just realized that eating all the above would take me well over my
Calorie allowance for the year)
-Think 48 hours this year
-Sleep at least 122 hours this year
-Schleep around 3,000 hours this year
-Consume 1,000 gallons of gasoline in the Za Mobile
-Ice Skate 1,500 miles during Public Sessions
(The above will burn off all those Calories mentioned beforehand which will
allow for more consumption of drink)
-Drink 2,000 cans of assorted Cola
-Along with that, 25 gallons of SoBe Oolong Tea
-And possibly 3-5 gallons of milk (with cereal, of course)
-Maybe 1-1.5 ounces of alcohol (depending on how much mouth wash gets
trapped in my mouth's crevases)
Now the intermediate-level goals:
-Go to school 20-30 days of the year
-Sharpen 25 pencils
-Break or bite off 100-125 pencil erasers
-Clip my toenails 8 times
...and that concludes "intermediate goals"
And finally, the tough goals that will be really really hard to
accomplish...
-Make $1,000,000
-Be famous and release a triple-platinum musical album
-Get a 20,000 sq-ft. house with 3 swimming pools
-Use a calculator
-Explain the meaning of life
-Find a cure for Mad Cow Disease
-Find a way to clone Hot Dogs
-Find a way to process mozzerella cheese more efficiently
-Find a way for humans to eat Zebra Mussles
-Find a way to solve all the world's problems (aka the ZA Master Plan)
-Go on a game show involving myself winning great prizes!
-Hosting a game show involving myself giving great prizes!
-Becoming the spokesperson for the NAACP
-Becoming the official taste-tester for PEZ
-Becoming that one guy who introdeces the cast in the beginning of Saturday
Night Live
-Becoming the only person the of face of this planet that has NOT seen Pulp
Fiction
-Wandering off into deep space (my mind is doing that now, actually)
-Traveling to the Kew Gardens to fight the Giant Hogweed
-Visiting Mr. and Mrs. Lewinsky
-Taking a road trip to Dildo (the city, that is)
-Getting a REAL job
-Getting a REAL place to live
-Getting a REAL fan base (and not just the 100-150 screaming Shiloh girls
every Friday night)
-Getting a REAL
-Start talking coherently and actually making sense with things I say
-Sitting on the dock of the bay (wait...I did that for 10 years -- and it
was kinda boring)
-Create a monster (actually I've done that on numerous occasion -- I am good
for creating monsters -- think figuratively, everyone!)
-Carry a can of paint to the top of a water tower to defend my sister's
honor (well, she will be 40 this year)
and finally...
-Score big with...
um
are you still awake?
you really wanna know don't you
who will ZA score big with?
hrmmm...
i wonder I wonder
could it possibly be...
um, no...don't even ;)
the suspense is killing ya isn't it?
well don't worry any longer
I will say
someday that is
ok, I'll tell ya now
but only if you promise me one thing
you won't think I'm weird or anything
you can still think my tractor is sexy, though
you can still even call me ZA...if my dignity still deserves it
don't worry
be happy
drive happy
or just drive
WTF?
oh yeah...I was supposed to tell you who I was supposed to score big with
I think i forgot already...it's been so long
i think I remember again
Is there something wrong?
What am I saying?
Why would I ever reveal such a thing???
Oh well...I guess all of you are good friends of mine
...and some things are too good to be left a secret
OK - I feel ready now
ready and able
ready and willing able
to begin my pursuit of happiness
geez...what will it be?
any guesses amongst yourselves???
maybe??? Probably??? Any hints???
I hope you are still reading and not given up
if you scroll down straight to the bottom you are a huge loser
because the message is clearly stated somewhere in the above statements
You'll just have to "read between the lines"
Hrmm...what could I be have meant?
Think it over for a second...get all those thoughts thrown into one
Actually I was just kidding about that hidden meaning thing :)
Fooled ya!
I have just wasted approximately 15-140 minutes of your time
...And you still don't know
Fools
How could you ever think such a thing about me?
Grrrr....
What did I ever do to make you think that way about me?
Arrgh Arrgh
I can hear a sigh of relief coming out of your vocal cords at this time
But you still don't know...do you???
What ever
It's not important anyways...the whole thing was a joke
Big joke, that's all
I was going to say something really off-the-wall, but I don't want to say
anything too weird
But I'm really tired now and I don't want to think anymore
It's 4:02 AM and my mind is totally twisted right now
I guess if nothing else, I made you have fun
It's the least I could do
Life is good...and that way it shall remain
For years and years and years to come
So therefore, I wish everyone a very very happy new year!
By the time you get to the bottom of this message, it will already be 2002.
So Happy New Year again
And oh yeah...don't let the little mexican jumping beans get in places they
shouldn't ;)
Allright...I love ya all!!!
Everyone here is such a great friend to me
And I enjoy the company and everything
Really fun
And enjoyable
And there's no place I'd rather be...
-Chris A. Czaplicki
The ZA Meister
The REAL ZA Meister
And maybe even himself as well behind all the names and masques.
very happy and promising New Year!!! Hopefully things will go as well for
everyone as they have in past times...or even better! I know I'm looking
forward to a great time in 2001...there are just a few things I'd like to
let everyone be aware of:
I could go on for days and days writing all sort of New Years Resolutions
that would be impossible to follow, but instead I will spend about 30-45
minutes of quality time contemplating my goals to achieve during the next 12
months. Oh, and BTW -- before I begin I would like to invite everyone to
share their "Resolutions" as well...remember -- we're all family here :)
First the easy goals: (remember, the simple things are most important)
-Breath approximately 3.15 million times
-Consume between 1 million-1.2 million calories
-Write my name at least 2,000 times
-Write my name on the teacher's blackboard 0 times
-Work somewhere between 1,500 and 2,000 hours
-Eat somewhere between 1,500 and 2,000 hours (WHAT???) Hours = Chicken
Sandwiches
-Eat 0 Hot Dogs
-Eat approximately 125-150 Pizza Subs
-Eat approximately 300-500 pieces of P. Jay's Pizza
-Devour 200-300 Chicken Tenders Sandwiches
(I just realized that eating all the above would take me well over my
Calorie allowance for the year)
-Think 48 hours this year
-Sleep at least 122 hours this year
-Schleep around 3,000 hours this year
-Consume 1,000 gallons of gasoline in the Za Mobile
-Ice Skate 1,500 miles during Public Sessions
(The above will burn off all those Calories mentioned beforehand which will
allow for more consumption of drink)
-Drink 2,000 cans of assorted Cola
-Along with that, 25 gallons of SoBe Oolong Tea
-And possibly 3-5 gallons of milk (with cereal, of course)
-Maybe 1-1.5 ounces of alcohol (depending on how much mouth wash gets
trapped in my mouth's crevases)
Now the intermediate-level goals:
-Go to school 20-30 days of the year
-Sharpen 25 pencils
-Break or bite off 100-125 pencil erasers
-Clip my toenails 8 times
...and that concludes "intermediate goals"
And finally, the tough goals that will be really really hard to
accomplish...
-Make $1,000,000
-Be famous and release a triple-platinum musical album
-Get a 20,000 sq-ft. house with 3 swimming pools
-Use a calculator
-Explain the meaning of life
-Find a cure for Mad Cow Disease
-Find a way to clone Hot Dogs
-Find a way to process mozzerella cheese more efficiently
-Find a way for humans to eat Zebra Mussles
-Find a way to solve all the world's problems (aka the ZA Master Plan)
-Go on a game show involving myself winning great prizes!
-Hosting a game show involving myself giving great prizes!
-Becoming the spokesperson for the NAACP
-Becoming the official taste-tester for PEZ
-Becoming that one guy who introdeces the cast in the beginning of Saturday
Night Live
-Becoming the only person the of face of this planet that has NOT seen Pulp
Fiction
-Wandering off into deep space (my mind is doing that now, actually)
-Traveling to the Kew Gardens to fight the Giant Hogweed
-Visiting Mr. and Mrs. Lewinsky
-Taking a road trip to Dildo (the city, that is)
-Getting a REAL job
-Getting a REAL place to live
-Getting a REAL fan base (and not just the 100-150 screaming Shiloh girls
every Friday night)
-Getting a REAL
-Start talking coherently and actually making sense with things I say
-Sitting on the dock of the bay (wait...I did that for 10 years -- and it
was kinda boring)
-Create a monster (actually I've done that on numerous occasion -- I am good
for creating monsters -- think figuratively, everyone!)
-Carry a can of paint to the top of a water tower to defend my sister's
honor (well, she will be 40 this year)
and finally...
-Score big with...
um
are you still awake?
you really wanna know don't you
who will ZA score big with?
hrmmm...
i wonder I wonder
could it possibly be...
um, no...don't even ;)
the suspense is killing ya isn't it?
well don't worry any longer
I will say
someday that is
ok, I'll tell ya now
but only if you promise me one thing
you won't think I'm weird or anything
you can still think my tractor is sexy, though
you can still even call me ZA...if my dignity still deserves it
don't worry
be happy
drive happy
or just drive
WTF?
oh yeah...I was supposed to tell you who I was supposed to score big with
I think i forgot already...it's been so long
i think I remember again
Is there something wrong?
What am I saying?
Why would I ever reveal such a thing???
Oh well...I guess all of you are good friends of mine
...and some things are too good to be left a secret
OK - I feel ready now
ready and able
ready and willing able
to begin my pursuit of happiness
geez...what will it be?
any guesses amongst yourselves???
maybe??? Probably??? Any hints???
I hope you are still reading and not given up
if you scroll down straight to the bottom you are a huge loser
because the message is clearly stated somewhere in the above statements
You'll just have to "read between the lines"
Hrmm...what could I be have meant?
Think it over for a second...get all those thoughts thrown into one
Actually I was just kidding about that hidden meaning thing :)
Fooled ya!
I have just wasted approximately 15-140 minutes of your time
...And you still don't know
Fools
How could you ever think such a thing about me?
Grrrr....
What did I ever do to make you think that way about me?
Arrgh Arrgh
I can hear a sigh of relief coming out of your vocal cords at this time
But you still don't know...do you???
What ever
It's not important anyways...the whole thing was a joke
Big joke, that's all
I was going to say something really off-the-wall, but I don't want to say
anything too weird
But I'm really tired now and I don't want to think anymore
It's 4:02 AM and my mind is totally twisted right now
I guess if nothing else, I made you have fun
It's the least I could do
Life is good...and that way it shall remain
For years and years and years to come
So therefore, I wish everyone a very very happy new year!
By the time you get to the bottom of this message, it will already be 2002.
So Happy New Year again
And oh yeah...don't let the little mexican jumping beans get in places they
shouldn't ;)
Allright...I love ya all!!!
Everyone here is such a great friend to me
And I enjoy the company and everything
Really fun
And enjoyable
And there's no place I'd rather be...
-Chris A. Czaplicki
The ZA Meister
The REAL ZA Meister
And maybe even himself as well behind all the names and masques.
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