Best of Luck in 2001!!!

Just want to take time to wish each and every one of you guys (and gals) a
very happy and promising New Year!!! Hopefully things will go as well for
everyone as they have in past times...or even better! I know I'm looking
forward to a great time in 2001...there are just a few things I'd like to
let everyone be aware of:

I could go on for days and days writing all sort of New Years Resolutions
that would be impossible to follow, but instead I will spend about 30-45
minutes of quality time contemplating my goals to achieve during the next 12
months. Oh, and BTW -- before I begin I would like to invite everyone to
share their "Resolutions" as well...remember -- we're all family here :)

First the easy goals: (remember, the simple things are most important)
-Breath approximately 3.15 million times
-Consume between 1 million-1.2 million calories
-Write my name at least 2,000 times
-Write my name on the teacher's blackboard 0 times
-Work somewhere between 1,500 and 2,000 hours
-Eat somewhere between 1,500 and 2,000 hours (WHAT???) Hours = Chicken
Sandwiches
-Eat 0 Hot Dogs
-Eat approximately 125-150 Pizza Subs
-Eat approximately 300-500 pieces of P. Jay's Pizza
-Devour 200-300 Chicken Tenders Sandwiches
(I just realized that eating all the above would take me well over my
Calorie allowance for the year)
-Think 48 hours this year
-Sleep at least 122 hours this year
-Schleep around 3,000 hours this year
-Consume 1,000 gallons of gasoline in the Za Mobile
-Ice Skate 1,500 miles during Public Sessions
(The above will burn off all those Calories mentioned beforehand which will
allow for more consumption of drink)
-Drink 2,000 cans of assorted Cola
-Along with that, 25 gallons of SoBe Oolong Tea
-And possibly 3-5 gallons of milk (with cereal, of course)
-Maybe 1-1.5 ounces of alcohol (depending on how much mouth wash gets
trapped in my mouth's crevases)

Now the intermediate-level goals:
-Go to school 20-30 days of the year
-Sharpen 25 pencils
-Break or bite off 100-125 pencil erasers
-Clip my toenails 8 times

...and that concludes "intermediate goals"

And finally, the tough goals that will be really really hard to
accomplish...
-Make $1,000,000
-Be famous and release a triple-platinum musical album
-Get a 20,000 sq-ft. house with 3 swimming pools
-Use a calculator
-Explain the meaning of life
-Find a cure for Mad Cow Disease
-Find a way to clone Hot Dogs
-Find a way to process mozzerella cheese more efficiently
-Find a way for humans to eat Zebra Mussles
-Find a way to solve all the world's problems (aka the ZA Master Plan)
-Go on a game show involving myself winning great prizes!
-Hosting a game show involving myself giving great prizes!
-Becoming the spokesperson for the NAACP
-Becoming the official taste-tester for PEZ
-Becoming that one guy who introdeces the cast in the beginning of Saturday
Night Live
-Becoming the only person the of face of this planet that has NOT seen Pulp
Fiction
-Wandering off into deep space (my mind is doing that now, actually)
-Traveling to the Kew Gardens to fight the Giant Hogweed
-Visiting Mr. and Mrs. Lewinsky
-Taking a road trip to Dildo (the city, that is)
-Getting a REAL job
-Getting a REAL place to live
-Getting a REAL fan base (and not just the 100-150 screaming Shiloh girls
every Friday night)
-Getting a REAL
-Start talking coherently and actually making sense with things I say
-Sitting on the dock of the bay (wait...I did that for 10 years -- and it
was kinda boring)
-Create a monster (actually I've done that on numerous occasion -- I am good
for creating monsters -- think figuratively, everyone!)
-Carry a can of paint to the top of a water tower to defend my sister's
honor (well, she will be 40 this year)

and finally...
-Score big with...

um




are you still awake?



you really wanna know don't you




who will ZA score big with?




hrmmm...



i wonder I wonder




could it possibly be...





um, no...don't even ;)




the suspense is killing ya isn't it?







well don't worry any longer




I will say






someday that is






ok, I'll tell ya now






but only if you promise me one thing



you won't think I'm weird or anything






you can still think my tractor is sexy, though






you can still even call me ZA...if my dignity still deserves it

don't worry



be happy



drive happy






or just drive





WTF?






oh yeah...I was supposed to tell you who I was supposed to score big with






I think i forgot already...it's been so long







i think I remember again

Is there something wrong?





What am I saying?


Why would I ever reveal such a thing???





Oh well...I guess all of you are good friends of mine







...and some things are too good to be left a secret






OK - I feel ready now



ready and able



ready and willing able





to begin my pursuit of happiness



geez...what will it be?





any guesses amongst yourselves???





maybe??? Probably??? Any hints???




I hope you are still reading and not given up




if you scroll down straight to the bottom you are a huge loser






because the message is clearly stated somewhere in the above statements







You'll just have to "read between the lines"





Hrmm...what could I be have meant?





Think it over for a second...get all those thoughts thrown into one




Actually I was just kidding about that hidden meaning thing :)






Fooled ya!






I have just wasted approximately 15-140 minutes of your time






...And you still don't know




Fools





How could you ever think such a thing about me?




Grrrr....





What did I ever do to make you think that way about me?





Arrgh Arrgh





I can hear a sigh of relief coming out of your vocal cords at this time






But you still don't know...do you???





What ever






It's not important anyways...the whole thing was a joke


Big joke, that's all





I was going to say something really off-the-wall, but I don't want to say
anything too weird






But I'm really tired now and I don't want to think anymore





It's 4:02 AM and my mind is totally twisted right now





I guess if nothing else, I made you have fun







It's the least I could do


Life is good...and that way it shall remain





For years and years and years to come



So therefore, I wish everyone a very very happy new year!






By the time you get to the bottom of this message, it will already be 2002.



So Happy New Year again




And oh yeah...don't let the little mexican jumping beans get in places they
shouldn't ;)




Allright...I love ya all!!!
Everyone here is such a great friend to me
And I enjoy the company and everything
Really fun
And enjoyable
And there's no place I'd rather be...

-Chris A. Czaplicki
The ZA Meister
The REAL ZA Meister
And maybe even himself as well behind all the names and masques.