ZA VISION!

Yes my friends...a Television show that involves huge quantities of ZA being
thrown around, eaten and used in art tapestires at the same time! What is
it called??? What network was intelligent enuff to broadcast such a
magnificient show??? You guessed it. ZA Vision -- coming to a cable
provider near you! What does all this mean? Well, let me give you the
lowdown:

ZA Vision (an acronym for Zeta Alpha's Very Interesting, Spectacular and
Insightful Online Network) will begin broadcast on April 31, 2001. Reality
will be twisted to an all-new level, with abstract humor, philisophical
folly and absolute 100% insanity with a hint of genius. What else could you
possibly want in an online television/radio show?

Now I know all your mouths are now wide open in awe. Close 'em. You're
slobbering all over your keyboard, and your roomate thinks you are just
staring at your screen like that one kid from Home Alone (Mucalay or
somethin' like that?). Oh well, who really cares what they think anyways.
Don't worry about what anyone thinks about you...it's not that important.
It's what you think about yourself. Every day I look at myself into the
mirror and say: "I'm good enuff - I'm smart enuff - and dog gone'it - people
LIKE me". If you believe what I just said, go outside...find the biggest
pile of dog poo and put it in your microwave for 20 minutes, after which you
may proceed to toss it at your car windshield. When you return - and you
really DID do that, take your IQ score and subtract 50-75 points off of it,
depending on how many grams the wad of hardened poo was. Take off an
additional 25 points if you BROKE the windshield, and maybe even another 10
if you didn't bother to wash your hands afterwards.

I don't know what to do with you guys...you just sit there like total robots
and read this schtuff and believe it - or try to find "hidden meanings"
within everything that I say. Even though I have mentioned to everyone that
there IS a meaning behind every little thing I write. Finding those
meanings is half the adventure. It's like bringing home the newest,
shiniest edition of Where's Waldo from the public library. Whenever you see
a header with the name "Chris A. Czaplicki" - you tell your friends to find
someone else to play with while you frantically read between the lines in
order to achieve a higher knowledge of the inner-workings of the cerebrum,
cerebellum and brain stem of Mr. ZA. Actually, I'm doing that right now. I
really have absolutely no clue why I write this schtuff. Isn't that totally
contradicting myself? Am I a complete and total hypocrite? Or am I
Hippocrates (not to be confused with Hypocrates). Who knows...who cares?
Life's too short to be thinking too hard about things. Just let all your
thoughts flow freely like a Claude Monet masterpiece. I would NOT recommend
letting them flow like a Pieter Paul Reubens materpiece. Then everyone
would think that your mind is warped. And it would be...SERIOUSLY.

All in all, I hope everyone has a great experience at their local university
in the coming months. Spring break is only a few short weeks away, and
Easter is soon to follow. It's already getting warmer guys! The ice and
snow are slowly melting. The smiles are returning to the faces. Here comes
the sun. And it's allright!!!

-Chris (That crazy person) Czaplicki
BOOYAH