Just a huge mass of confusion

I think everyone here knows exactly what I mean...

So much is going on in my life right now that it's hard to find an ounce of sanity or any sort of peace of mind. But that's life, I guess. The sheer fact that there is soooo much happening -- it's just making me go totally crazy and that. I think the worst part is that I'm cooped up here at home and it seems like there's no escape (except for the rink). Wait -- didn't I say I was going to Florida this Wednesday? Well, obviously I chose not to.
Then why am I complaining about being "cooped up"? I dunno. THAT'S WHAT IS SO CONFUSING!!!! ARRRRGH!!! What am I to do? I need to express myself!!!!
In what way? I've tried many ways many countless times...but it never seems to get out right. Hrmmm...There's sooooo much I want to do right now that I just can't...I have so many yearnings and desires that for some circumstances I cannot reach.

I'm just taking things one day at a time and keeping a relaxed attitude about everything, as I usually do. But many times it is SOOO hard, and it takes a hell of a lot of patience. Where do I want to go in life? What do I want to do? I have no clue. As I said before, there are a great number of things I want to accomplish, but I just don't know where to start!!!
Frustration is moving in, and I am starting to doubt myself, even though I have extreme confidence that everything will work out ok in the big picture.
So at least I have something to look forward to. I know everything will be all right in the end :)

What am I doing now? Not much. It's 1 AM and I'm sitting here typing away.
It's a Thursday night, and I was very excited when I woke up. I got up, got a haircut, went to school for a little while, stopped at the rink to pick up my paycheck, got a P.Jay's Pizza for lunch/dinner and came home to watch some TV. The energy was there. But there really wasn't much for me to do, besides sit around here. So I decided to go to the rink for a little while, but that was getting boring watching Bernie do homework. So I came back home, called some friends - worked on Brendan's computer - and watched some more TV. I thought maybe I would go out somewhere tonight, but unfortunately there was really nothing to do by myself. So I decided to take a nap for a couple of hours. Yet I was still a mass of energy and I couldn't take it anymore!!! GRRRR!!! So it was around 10:30 and I decided to take a walk up to the rink again, this time to see Ed and Mark. It made me feel much better, but I knew everything would be the same when I got home. And it was. My mom kept asking me all this stuff about "what was going on" and I was in no condition to go all deep into my life about everything. Parents don't understand anyways. They don't need to understand...at least that's the way I see it. I'm just one confused kid, I guess.

But one thing about being confused -- there's absolutely nothing wrong with it!!! That is, if you know how to handle it. Right now I am very lonely, and I guess the best way to deal with my problem is to write to all my friends. At least you can probably relate to and understand what I am talking about. My parents try to make me believe that I have 'problems'. I have very little 'problems' in my life -- everything is going very good for me right now. But in a sense, there is an emptiness where I need something...or someone. When everyone left for school, it sort of left me with a huge hole where schtuff used to be. And now I'm trying to "fix" that hole. And sometimes I feel like I am succeding, but other times I wonder how well I am actually faring. As I mentioned before, though, everything will turn out allright in the end -- I can trust myself that I will make the right decisions.

Oh, and BTW -- before I forget to tell anyone -- I had such a great time over the Thanksgiving Holiday!!! I thank everyone for taking part in the festivities during the weekend, either Friday or Saturday. I really really really enjoyed seeing everyone back again. I'm very glad to have all of you as friends, and I hope to continue to have the support of everyone through the tough times in life. It's not that long until Christmas, and once again I cannot wait to see everyone back for that!!! We'll have even more fun 'n'
excitement!!! Just wait and see!

I don't want to scare anyone out there...I just really haven't had an opportunity to have a real heart-to-heart conversation with most of you guys 'n' gals in quite a while. And I guess now I'm up for that instead of writing insanely idiotic incoherent e-mails like I do most of the time. I dunno, I guess once in awhile it's time for a serious little conversation.
And right now it's what I need more than anything. Life will have it's fun -- and oh yes -- there's also time for philisophy!!!

Thanks everyone for being such great friends!
-Chris A. Czaplicki