Secret Santas - Hrmmm...what to get?

Wow!!! Me -- a Secret Santa? Of all people? This is just superb!

I have so many ideas of what I can get my "secret present recipient". I am currently contemplating it all. What should I buy? What can a Hamilton note buy these days? Something worthwhile...something that someone can treasure for a very, very long time to come. Well...I have taken time out and thought about this. Some potential gifts have popped into my head, although I have ruled out some. Such as the following:

*2 24-can cases of Pepsi (after a few days, once consumed it's all forgotten
about!)
*10 Chicken Tenders Sandwiches from Burger King (same as above) *A house (well...a really really small house) - not too practical *A mouse (the computer kind - even though this would last awhile, just the thought of giving someone a "mouse"!) *A mouse (the real kind -- no...they are squeaky and some are really fat)
*6 pair of flashy 90210 socks (would bring fashion to an all-time low) *A P. Jay's pizza (sure, the memory may last a lifetime -- but I can order that anytime now :) *A Chia pet (only good if you are bald, then you can use the seeds on your scalp - no potential recipients here are bald, though)
*5 decks of playing cards...that way you can open up your own Las Vegas!
*5 decks of pinochole cards...who the f*** plays pinochole?????
*7.093 gallons of gasoline (since this number is soooo unstable, I cannot make any promises) *1250 sheets of blank paper (you go out and buy 200 - and half ends up getting thrown out at the end of the school year!) *40 quarters (a viable gift, but it can be used as an automatic weapon if used in a certain way)
*2 cans of compressed air (also an automatic weapon...ZA does not give weapons for Xmas presents) *20 blank CD-R's (they'll get buffer underruned anyways)
*6 bags of Sunkist Fruit Gems (after the first quarter of a bag you'll get a stomach ache...believe me - i know from experience!) *A brand new shiny shoehorn (why pay $10 when I can just give you a couple of my rusty ones - with free string too!) *A brand new pair of...OK i won't even go there :) *A brand new BIG BOY shirt (there is only ONE Big Boy shirt!) *30 33-cent stamps (xmas cards will be mailed by then, so they'll probably get lost or somethin') *One really really big cookie (MMMM....C is for COOOOOKIE - ok...that's enough sesame street references for now) *50 pounds of aluminum cans...no wait - that's how i'm getting $$$ to buy the gift in the first place!
*12 packages of hot dogs (no wait...then the Hot Dog Protective Agency would be after me) *Lots of cheese (ewwww!) *Lots of Hay (no horsies, though) *Lots of Topsoil (gotta wait 'till easter!) *Lots of Gravy mix (that was already a thanxgiving present!) *Lots of Big poofy cotton balls (too afraid to know what they would be used
for)
*A wooden baseball bat (what did I say about weapons?) *10 bags of assorted-sized rubber bands -- multicolored too! (what do I expect you to build...some kinda hotdog cloning machine?) *A case of unpunched Florida voting ballots (then everyone would be after
ya)
*A 3-hole 8.5x11 punch (couldn't find 'em anywhere)
*4 free admissions to public skate at the rink (Oh geez...imagine that!)
*1 free hour of philisophical conversation with ZA (those are already free to all friends) *A steel folding chair (ok...i'm losing my mind - What have I said about
weapons!!!)
*Chinese ho (little long-term value)

Well...let's say I'm still thinking!
-Chris A. Czaplicki