A GAME for EVERYONE to PLAY! (even you)

Greetings honored friends!

Today we will play a very fun game that I invented. It is called "I'll Play Your Game You Rogue" It is very simple and easy to learn. Once you play it a couple times you will have your entire family gathered 'round the computer having a great time!

Just follow the simple instructions in this e-mail and enjoy hours and hours of fun with friends and family!

INSTRUCTIONS:
1) Go outside, knock on a neighbor's door and tell them in a plain voice "I'll Play Your Game you Rogue". British accents are optional. Give yourself 10 points. If no one answers the door only score 5, but if you hear a dog barking inside you can give yourself 6. Don't cheat on the dog thing either...it will hurt your score later in the game. Oh yeah, and if you leave the front porch with a black eye or bruise anywhere on your face, score an additional 25 points! Games are often won this way, so use careful strategy when choosing neighbors.

2) Go to a DIFFERENT neighbor's house. Instead of knocking on their door, shout as loud as you can in any window "I'll play your game you rogue".
Then hide in their shrubs, under the porch or anywhere else where you cannot be easily seen. If the neighbor comes outside to investigate and does not find you, score 10 points. If the neighbor isn't home or does not come out, they are probably having good sex and don't want to be disturbed. Deduct 5 points from your score for such a rueful move. Finally, if the family dog comes outside and attacks you in hiding, you get a 5 point bonus. If the dog has rabies, you automatically win the game!!! It will be your last victory before you die.

3) Go into the middle of your street, do a handstand, and do a log roll through the next 3 intersections (one must be a main street, so you may want to plan your route ahead of time). If you perform this correctly, you should be able to stand back up and somersault back to your original position. Score a whopping 5 points if you do not suffer any open wounds during this step. If you were hit by a car, don't worry you can play the game some other time. If you were stopped by a police car and taken for a drug test, give yourself a 5 point bonus.

This is where the game gets a little harder...

4) Look for the nearest garbage can. Imitate a raccoon. Score 1 point for every 200 calories ingested. FYI dog poop averages 50 calories per ounce.
Maggots are high in protein but do not provide the calories necessary to score high in this round. You receive an automatic disqualification for searching more than 1 garbage can.

5) Find a manhole cover. Open it up, jump in and walk around for a little while. Yell "Turtle Power" at least 10 times, each time with a different voice for each of the 4 Ninja Turtles. Give yourself 2 extra points if you can also do Splinter's voice. Once you decide to surface, find another manhole cover, pop it open and walk back home. This is a very strategic play, as a lot of scoring can be done here. If you resurface on a sidestreet, earn 5 points. On a state route, 10 points. On an interstate freeway get 25 big points!

6) Show up at Za's House. Stink will bark at you and lick you. Say "I'll play your game you rogue" and receive a special prize. Also, you may need some surgery.

Ok that was terribble...I quit!
-Chris