Nerdity test

Ok, this is mainly aimed towards the guys at Cyberpalace but I can't help
but send it around to everyone...I first saw this online when I was 13
(yeah, I was wired back then on a 24a00-baud modem) -- and I can't help but
think that everyone will get a kick out of it. See how you guys do!

Then again you might just enjoy some of the answers I write...

PART ONE: COMPUTER EXPERIENCE

1) Have you ever used a computer? Aha.
2) Have you ever used a computer that did not have Windows 3.0 or was not
a Macintosh? Aha.
3) Have you ever programmed a computer in BASIC? Yes
4) Have you ever written a structured program in BASIC? Yes
5) Have you ever written a BASIC program that used pointers? - No?
6) Have you ever programmed a computer in Pascal? Yes
7) in Fortran 77? No
8) in Fortran 66? No
9) in C or C++? No (what??? you gotta be kidding me!)
10) in Lisp? No
11) in Modula 2? Thankfully no
12) in MathCAD, Mathematica or Smalltalk? What is that?
13) in Ada? Isn't that a city in ohio where they make Wilson Footballs?
14) in PostScript? PS I love you
15) in Assembler? I assemble PC's but not PC language
16) Have you ever used Make? i don't recall
17) Have you ever written a program more than 1000 lines long? Probably
18) Have you ever written a compiler THAT WORKED? surely not
19) Have you ever written a computer game (including video games)? simple
games yes
20) Have you ever used a MUDD, MUCC or MUSE? yeah -- back when I was like
13 or 14
21) Have you ever become a God on a MUDD, MUCC or MUSE? not
22) Have you ever managed or created a MUDD, MUCC or MUSE? i wish
23) Have you ever encountered a computer virus? yeah, Friday 13th and
Chernobyl
24) Have you ever defeated a computer virus (cleaned out your system with
no data loss and little loss of time)? Chernobyl was bad, but I got it
out before the big strike
25) Do you collect viruses? thought about it -- but never had the gumption
26) Have you ever infected another computer with a virus intentionally?
ditto
27) Have you ever written a computer virus? no, but I know someone who has
28) Was it for profit? nah
29) Have you ever been AT A LOSS for storage space on your hard drive? yes,
but I know someone who is at more of a loss :)
30) Have you ever used UNIX? aha
31) Have you ever written a UNIX shell script? most definitely -- unix is
KING
32) Have you ever crashed a UNIX system? i didn't know you could -- unix is
KING
33) Was it intentionally? nah
34) Have you ever installed an operating system on a computer,
including your own? ...but of course
35) Have you read email in the last week? yep
36) in the last 24 hours? got me here too
37) Have you read news from the computer networks in the last week?
obviously
38) in the last 24 hours? aha
39) Have you ever installed new hardware on your computer? i would hope so
40) Have you ever built or repaired your own computer? maybe
41) Have you ever done #39 or #40 for someone else? probably
42) Have you ever set up a BBS for *other than* profit? no -- even though I
always wanted to :)
(NB: profit-takers should be shot at this point, once in the brain.
Author)
43) Have you ever thrown out an algorithm because it took more time
than another algorithm? i think i have at some point in my life
44) Have you ever thrown out an algorithm because it used more memory
than another algorithm? unintentionally, yes
45) Have you ever worried about dirty electricity (yes this is a
legitimate question; we have this problem in Chicago.) NO
46) Have you ever written an Artificial Intelligence program or algorithm? i
think i have
47) Have you ever taught another person a computer language? my former BOSS
:)
48) Have you ever spent more than 8 hours programming a computer? yeah
49) Have you ever spent consecutive Thursday, Friday and Saturday
evenings programming a computer? NO WAY DUDE -- I WAS OUT PIMPIN'
HOOCHIES :)
50) Have you ever left a really cool party because you wanted to be
on the computer for any reason? ALL MY COOL PARTIES ARE ON THE COMPUTER
ALREADY!!!!!!!

PART TWO: MATHEMATICAL EXPERIENCE

GLOSSARY: ODE = Ordinary Differential Equation (or just plain Differential
Equation)
PDE = Partial Differential Equation

51) Do you know Trigonometry? absolutely
52) Have you ever taken a derivative? something like that
53) Have you ever taken a partial derivative? I don't think Kohuth taught
that
54) Have you ever solved a triple integral? neiter that
55) Have you ever solved a first order ODE? aha
56) Have you ever solved a second order ODE? supposedly
57) Have you ever found an Eigenvalue? probably, but I never knew it as that
58) Have you ever solved a Determinant Matrix? yes, unfortunately I had to
go thru that
59) Have you ever used Gauss's Theorem? NO
60) Green's Theorem? NO
61) Stokes's Theorem? NO
62) Have you ever found the Kernel of a Vector Space? hell no
63) Have you ever used a Laplace Transform? ok this is stupid
64) Have you ever found a Fourier Series? i think i'm the dumbest person in
the world now
65) Have you ever solved a PDE? no, but I've solve
66) Are you now or were you ever a Math major or Statistics major? no, but I
probably should be....
67) Do you know what a homomorphism is? nah
68) Do you know what ring theory is? i probably knew what it was back in HS
69) Do you know what a Prime Number is? umm...yeah
70) Do you know what a Smith Number is? smith? that's nuts
71) Have you ever taken a Riemann Integral? yeah
72) Can you count to more than 1000 on two hands? i never thought i could do
that -- but now that I think of it (two hands??? WOE YOU CAN DO A LOT OF
THINGS WITH 2 HANDS!)
73) Can you use a calculator? NO
74) Can you use a graphing calculator? YES
75) Can you calculate a waiter's tip in your head? I am the mental math
GRAND POOBAH so yes
76) Can you calculate sales tax in your head? aha
77) Do you know how to add the numbers 1, 2, 3, ... 100 in less
than one minute using just a paper and pencil? of course
78) Have you ever taken a limit? yep
79) Have you heard of Lorenz's Equations? i think so
80) Have you ever seen a fractal? somewhere something
81) Have you ever solved an equation using the square root of negative one?
oh you mean with i?
82) Is 666 a Smith Number? (say no if you don't know) no
83) Do you have Pi memorized to more than 5 digits? 3.1415927
84) Do you have e memorized to more than 5 digits?2.718281828 (oh maybe I
shouldn't have given the answers)
85) Have you ever integrated a function that was discontinuous at one point?
maybe, maybe not
86) Do you know the first seven Prime Numbers? 2, 3, 5, 7, 11
87) Can you find the area of a circle of radius r? aha
88) a sphere of radius r? certainly
89) from x=0 to x=1 for y=x^2? oh yeah
90) Have you ever taken an improper integral? 13, 17, 19, 23, 29, 33, 37,
41, 43, 47, 53, 59, 61, 67, 71, 73, 79, 83, 89, 93
91) Have you ever found the critical points of a predator-prey system? nope
92) Have you ever found the critical points of a chaotic system? chaos
theory, eh?
93) Have you ever entered a math competition (math team, American
Invitational Math Exam, and so on?) yes I have
94) Have you ever won something in a math competition? lots of ribbons and
trophies, no money though (so it doesn't actually count :)
95) Is your Math SAT score above 600? YEP
96) above 700? 720 in fact
97) Do you know the Quadratic Formula by heart? yeah, i think so but I don't
want to repeat it
98) Do you know the polynomial formulae for sin(x) and cos(x) by heart? yes
i confess I do
99) Have you ever calculated the odds of getting a hand in a card game?
no -- i looked at a table and memorized it
100) Can you find the odds of getting a certain dice roll in your head?
well, that's MUCH easier
(NB- more on this in Nerd Culture)

PART THREE- SCIENCE EXPERIENCE

101) Have you ever taken a calculus-based science course? NO (at least not
yet)
102) Have you ever taken a laboratory course for science or engeneering? I
don't goto school HAHAHAHA
103) Are you now or were you ever a hard science major (physics, chemistry,
NOOOOO
biology, geology, meteorology, &c) or a real engeneering major? Please
note: food science does not count, nor does psychology. Anyone who
argues as such should be shot, once in the brain. It's for their own
good. Furthermore, technology majors don't count (Electrical
Engineering Technology is not the same as Electrical Engineering,
no matter what anyone says.) Math and Computer Science don't count
either, unless you are double majoring... i.e., physics and math
would count for this question and #66
104) Did you ever own a chemistry set? a loooong time ago
105) Did you ever make illegal substances (explosives, drugs, etc.) with
#104 I probably did some of that
with a chemistry set?
106) Do you have your own scientific instruments, other than in a chemistry-
I used to back in my pre-teen years
set (i.e.- you buy your own individual Erlenmeyer Flasks, test tubes,
oscilloscopes, voltmeters, and so on. Lab coats don't count- see #122)
107) Did you ever enter a science fair? nah
108) Did you ever win anything in a science fair? science fair??? we never
had those!
109) Have you ever thought up an original science experiment? that's nuts
110) Were you able to perform this experiment? of course not
111) Were the results conclusive? inconclusive
112) Do you read Scientific American? no
113) Science News or Science? used to read Science News in HS (chemistry
articles :)
114) Any professional scientific journal (like Physics Quarterly?) heh
115) Do you know what a kilogram is? 2.2 lbs?
116) Do you know what a TeV is? something physics related?
117) Do you know how many kilograms there are in a terragram? 1 trillion?
118) Do you know how many picometers there are in a centimeter? 1 billion?
or is it a trillion i don't exactly remember
119) Do you know what a Watt is? light bulb (or newton meter or somethin')
120) what a Joule is? that's the newton-meter!
121) Do you know Avogadro's Number? 6.02 x 10^23 -- THANK YOU DOC DAVE!
122) Do you own your own lab coat? this is the funniest question I have ever
seen!
123) Do you have stains on clothing from chemistry experiments? i'm sorry I
don't do that
124) Have you ever extrapolated? HAHAHAHA
125) Have you ever done a least squares fit? least squares? or least squaas
126) Have you ever estimated error using a least squares fit? nope, no I
haven't
127) Have you ever titrated something? i think i did in chem back in hs
128) Have you ever done a spectral analysis on something? ditto #127
129) Have you ever distilled something? i tried making my own beer once,
does that count?
130) Have you ever used a voltmeter? yeah, that was in Laret's class
unfortunately
131) a galvinometer? we didn't get THAT far
132) an oscilloscope? i saw it used on Mr. Wizard once does that count?
133) a Hall Probe? or an anal probe? (hint: I've used 1 of the 2)
134) Have you ever dissected an animal? 7th grade I did a froggie
135) Have you ever dissected a human being? 7th grade I dissected myself
136) Have you ever solved an equation for oxidation-reduction reaction? oh
the memories :)
137) Do you know what Parabolic Motion is? they're all coming back to me
now!
138) Do you know Maxwell's Equations? Maxwell's silver hammer?
139) Do you understand Einstein's Theory of General Relativity? I think i
did somewhat
140) Special Relativity? special? no not this one
141) Have you ever solved a Schrodinger Wave Equation? Schroodiiiiggee what?
142) Have you ever had an experiment get you sick? no, but I made other
people get sick!
143) Have you ever had an experiment catch fire or explode on you? i hit a
whole box of cap gun caps with a rock once...
144) Have you ever extracted DNA from something in a laboratory in
order to perform an experiment on it? - no
145) Have you ever altered DNA in a laboratory? no
146) Have you ever maintained a bacteria colony under laboratory
conditions (sorry, your bedroom does not count) -- no no labs
147) Have you ever done any laboratory work involving viruses? oh no
148) Have you ever maintained a colony of living animals under
laboratory conditions (i.e.- fruit flies). why?
149) Have you ever been the target of a political group because of
your experiments (i.e.- Operation Rescue, Animal Liberation Front,
Mad Mothers Against Socially Unacceptable Physicists, etc.) Mad People
against Za Rocks
150) Have you ever done an experiment that required more than
one month to perform? something like that


PART FOUR: NERD CULTURE

151) Have you ever felt left out at a party? There have been occasions...
152) Have you ever been told to leave a party for reasons other
than obnoxious behavior? no I usually hide in a closet
153) Have you ever left a party because you felt more comfortable in
front of a computer or performing an experiment (including
classwork) -- yeah, where the REAL party is
154) Have you ever been called a nerd, geek, loser, wimp or other
similarly derogatory comment? more than once
155) Have you ever seen "Revenge Of The Nerds" and identified with the
main characters? no i don't think so
156) Have you ever read "The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy"? i don't read
157) Have you read the entire trilogy (all five books)? i don't read
158) Have you ever seen an episode of Star Trek? Tribbles!!!!!!
159) Dr. Who? no
160) Star Trek: The Next Generation? yes, but not consciously
161) Blake's Seven? nonono
162) Deep Space Nine? nonono
163) Kung Fu: The Legend Continues? kung fu = nerdity??? what???
164) Have you ever attended a convention for any of the shows
listed in questions 158-163? no way dude
165) Have you ever played a role playing game? all the time
166) Have you ever participated in a role playing game campaign? like in
Warcraft II? yes I have
167) Have you ever run a role playing game adventure? adventure? nah
168) Have you ever run a role playing game campaign? no
169) Have you ever made your own role playing game? no
170) Did you sell, publish or otherwise distribute this game? no - but I
sure wish I had b/c I'd have lots of $$$
171) Have you ever attended a role playing game convention? again, I would
have liked to
172) Are you a regular at role playing game conventions? no
173) Have you ever published a science fiction story? no
174) a mathematical article? no
175) a scientific article? (PhD's included for questions 174-5) no
176) Have you ever read a science fiction/fantasy novel other than
Hitchhiker's? no
177) Have you ever read an entire series of non Hitchhiker's SciFi/fantasy?
no
178) Have you ever corrected a role playing game, TV show, or novel
for scientific accuracy? role playing game -- most definitely
179) Have you ever asked a question in a class? NO I HAVE NEVER ANSWERED A
QUESTION
180) Have you ever corrected a professor in class? i've never had a
professor
181) Do you usually sit in the front of the class? not anymore
182) Are you a member of a career organization (like Society of Physics
Students or Society of Women Engeneers)? not anymore
183) Are you a regular in this career organization? nope
184) Have you ever taken an independent study class? right now I am :)
185) Do you plan to / did you earn two degrees or more as an undergraduate?
yes -- I'll be going to school FOR LIFE
186) Are you going / Did you go to Graduate School? one of these days
187) Have you ever gotten straight A's in a semester/term/quarter? a long
time ago
188) Have you ever gotten BETTER THAN straight A's in a
semester/term/quarter? oh geez -- that's just crazy
189) Were your SAT's >= 1200 combined? aha
190) >= 1400 combined? almost but no
191) Have you ever made a technical joke? many
192) Did nobody get it? oh yeah
193) Have you ever asked a professor a question related to his/her field
that s/he could not come up with a good answer for (i.e.- s/he says
"let me think about it and I'll get back to you." Explaining that
that's a great paradox of science etc. does not count.) -- I probably
have
194) Have you ever bored someone with too much information (Profs and TA's
don't count for boring their classes. That is expected.) I do it all
the time
195) Have people ever joked about you as being a scientist, mathematician
or computer scientist? yeah, more than once
196) Are you better known by your computer name (login) than your real name?
Cyberpalace14 or ZaRocks? MAYBE
197) Have you ever taken a graduate class that you did not need to? no
198) as an undergraduate? no
199) Have people ever winced when they heard your major, field of study
or occupation? no
200) Have you ever taken a nerdity test? well of course not


PART FIVE- NERD SEX

For the following questions, a nerd counts as someone who would be likely
to score high on a nerdity test. Examples: Computer Electrical Engeneers,
Physics Profs, &c. Nerdity has nothing to do with purity. Gender does
not matter for these questions. People with high purity scores (younger
or more sensitive readers) should beware.

WARNING: THIS ONE IS GONNA BE FUN
-ZA

201) Have you ever flirted with a nerd? I FLIRT ALL THE TIME
202) Have you ever kissed a nerd? LOOK BUT DON'T TOUCH
203) Have you ever made out with a nerd? IF ONLY...
204) Have you ever had sex with a nerd? I RAVISHED HER LIKE A WILDEBEAST
205) Have you ever had sex with two or more nerds in a 24 hour period? TRY
SEVEN
206) Have you ever had sex with a nerd to the point of orgasm? MULTIPLE
ORGASM, THAT IS
207) Have you ever had sex with a nerd to the point of mutual orgasm? I HAVE
NEVER DONE THAT
208) Have you ever had sex with the same nerd more than once in a 24
hour period or had one session of sex which lasted for three hours or
three orgasms, whichever came first? I CAN LAST ALL NIGHT BABY!
209) Have you ever had a steady relationship with a nerd? I'M A PLAYA
210) Have you ever had a steady relationship with more than one nerd
at a time, such that neither knew (or so you believed)? I TOLD YOU I'M
A PLAYA
211) Do you wear glasses? I used to
212) Do your glasses have tape on them? They used to
213) Do you wear dress slacks more than once a week? I have to dude
214) Do you own a shirt with equations, a picture of a scientist,
mathematician
or computer scientist, or a corporate logo on the front? (Note: those
wearing shirts with corporate logos are to be beaten severely. It's for
their own good.) I really wish I have
215) Do you wear a calculator? NO
216) Have you ever worn any of the items in 211-215 in order to seduce
someone? SEDUCTION ISN'T THE MOST APPROPRIATE TERM
217) Have you ever tried to pick someone up by reciting Pi? PI =
3.14159...2..........LET'S FUCK!
218) Euler's Number? no
219) Have you ever compared GPA's with someone? too many times to count!
220) SAT scores? that too
221) Have you ever placed a singles ad in the computer networks? i've never
gone that low
222) Have you ever met someone over the computer networks? when I was like,
13
223) Have you ever dated someone you met over the computer networks? c'mon
I'm not *that* much of a loser
224) Have you ever had sex with someone you met over the computer networks?
WHAT KINDA SEX ARE WE TALKING ABOUT?
225) Have you ever had sex with someone via the computer? I'VE TRIED IT BUT
IT NEVER SEEMS TO WORK RIGHT
226) Have you ever lied about your gender over the computer? NO, BUT I'VE
TRIED TO SAY I'M A GIRAFFE
227) Have you ever had sex with someone over the computer while they
thought you were a different gender? THEY THOUGHT I WAS A SHE-GOAT
228) Have you ever read erotic material on a computer bulletin board or
newsgroup? Ok, I've done this seriously -- but not for awhile, ok?
229) Have you ever posted erotic material on a computer bulletin board
or newsgroup? I'm that that bad
230) Have you ever masturbated to erotic material you read on a computer
bulletin board or newsgroup? read? I don't know if you can "read" nude
photos
231) Have you ever seen a pornographic GIF? ahh -- there we go!
232) Do you collect pornographic GIFs? what do you think my server is for?
233) Have you ever masturbated to pornographic GIFs? I thought this question
was already asked!
234) Have you ever gotten turned on by a biology textbook? Endocrinology, to
be precise -- actually I was only 9 then so that doesn't really count!
235) Have you ever turned someone else on by reading them sections from
a biology textbook? I wouldn't know -- they never told me
236) Have you ever tried to pick someone up by asking them 'wanna fuck?'
REFER TO #217
237) Have you ever tried to pick someone up using a prop (i.e.- holding up
a screw and asking 'wanna screw?') I've done this before to someone at
the rink (won't way who)
238) Have you ever read a book about how to interact with people in order to
get friends? (come on, now, confess!) I DON'T READ DAMMIT!
239) Have you ever read a book or computer BBS/newsgroup article to find out
about sexual techniques? Sexual techniques? not precisely
240) Have you ever made love in a chemistry lab? ON TOP OF THE BUNSON
BURNERS
241) a physics lab? ON TOP OF THE MAGNETIC CARTS IN ROOM 214 at padua
242) a biology lab? IN A SINK in room 213
243) a computer lab? in my basement on many occasions
244) Have you ever picked someone up in one of the labs mentioned in
240-3 while class was in session? - WHY WOULDN'T I?
245) Have you ever petted or made out with someone in one of the labs
mentioned in 240-3 while class was in session? PETTED? THAT'S A LITTLE
PRUDE -- WE WENT AT IT DOGGY STYLE!
246) Have you ever made love with somebody in one of the labs mentioned
in 240-3 while class was in session? AND MISSIONARY STYLE
247) Did you do any of 240-6 and still get your work done in time? yeah, b/c
I'm smart enuff
248) Have you ever had an orgasm while performing an experiment or
programming a computer? (NB- this counts if you are waiting for
something to happen; making love while a program is compiling
or while a channel selector is counting photons counts.) - do mental
orgasms count?
249) Did you do #248 UNAIDED (the sheer excitement caused you to orgasm)? -
I COULDN'T HELP IT!
250) Have you ever offered to help someone out in math, science or
computer science in order to pick them up? - I DON'T GO THAT LOW