Supper's Ready

What a great song...especially b/c I can play it on the keyboard fairly well
too. Well, here it goes: this ISN'T the long, happy e-mail I intend to send
out at a later date. It's moreless a somewhat serious look at things and
people and all sorts of stuff.

Anyways, tomorrow I got this job interview for doing PC tech work 'n'
schtuff, so if I get that I will be incredibly ecstatic and might write and
write and write till my fingers bleed. But not yet...I'm not ready, I
guess.

Although my credit cards still have balances, I have everything very
managable as to say I am finally IN CONTROL of everything once again. THANK
GOD! It's been tough these last few months. I don't think I have to give
anymore updates on that :) Yeehaw! I'm happier than a mexican jumping
bean!!!!

As I sit here, I somewhat wonder what exactly I want to write about.
Situations. Situations that you feel somewhat awkward in that are a part of
growing up. I am an adult now, I have pulled away from my parents and ready
to start a life of my own. It isn't easy, as every last one of you guys
know. In fact, it has gotta be the very toughest, most stressful and quite
possibly emotionally tolling too. Making the conversion. Conversion --
what does it mean? I wonder... I guess you can sum it up as the ages
between 18 and 25 when you've finally become a full-fledged adult and are
ready to move on, as I mentioned above. There's no one way to do it...or
any one piece of advice you can give to everyone. I know a lot of people my
age try to escape this reality in divulging in mindless, childish games (I
don't think I really don't have to go into details -- I THINK EVERYONE KNOWS
WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT).

Well, the weak will eventually learn (the hard way, unfortunately) and the
strong will tough it out through the absolute worst of times. I, myself
have gone through a relatively easy stretch so far. There's been a fairly
high level of anxiety at some points, and I admit there have been a lot of
big emotional swings, as well as finding myself doing some crazy shit at
times (ok maybe you never found me doing it and maybe that's probably a good
thing :) But we all do some crazy things when times are rough and it's
nothing to be worried about...as long as you can keep your emotions somewhat
under control! I dunno...high school life was the greatest b/c you didn't
have to worry about ANYTHING, except maybe your gpa...you can have the
absolute greatest time without a care until you had to get up early saturday
morning to camp at the mailbox and "intercept" the evidence :) I KNOW FOR A
FACT THERE'S QUITE A FEW PEOPLE WHO KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT THERE!

Then there's college life. It's so much different than high school because
everything isn't all pre-decided and you actually have to THINK! Oh
no...not that! Actually, it can really become annoying in transition
because you're so used to having things come so easy as it did in HS. You
gotta meet a whole new set of people...possibly live hundreds of miles away
from home -- or else be stuck w/your parents for at least another 4 years.
Both of which definitely have some positives and negatives. At some points
those +'s and -'s can really escalate and you find yourself totally lost in
a huge oblivion. You're confused. You made your OWN decisions for the
first time, and you are beginning to second-guess some of them. Oh no.
You've made a mistake. You'll make approximately 158,928 more of them in
your life. Hopefully less, but you'd better learn to get over #1 before
moving on, or else you're doomed. Well, not literally but it helps being
able to overcome small obstacles before taking on bigger ones. What's gonna
happen once you get that nice pretty piece of paper and want to get a job?
No one is gonna hold your hand. So ya better learn NOW!

Learning always came to me naturally, but this is a different type of
"learning". It isn't memorizing all those annoying definitions or trying to
figure out redox equations. Now that's a blast from the past :) Moving
right along...learning the game of life comes naturally to some people it
seems. They can just live day to day and never have any problems -- or so
it seems. I think everyone goes through some kind of crisis or total
breakdown sometime during their young adulthood. They might not know it, or
be strong enough to admit it. That's when things get really tough, when no
one else knows that you are having so many problems. But hopefully that
isn't too much of a problem with everyone I am writing to.

I know I'm not a psychologist or anything...but I like to analyze situations
like this. It's plain to see that transition causes a lot of emotional
highs and lows. I've experienced it myself, and sometimes it just seems
that no one ever wants to make it apparent. So here I am. I'm a very shy
person but yet I'm the one writing all this heavy shit to everyone. Why am
I like this??? Am I crazy???

I like to consider myself "The Ringmaster" -- kinda like Jerry
Springer...but not really. I just have a few weaknesses about myself that I
find hard to figure out exactly "why" I have them.

I've considered this thought a little bit over the past few weeks and I'm
almost set on it: My intelligence is my own worst enemy. Or it can be at
times. In short...I think too much. Why do I believe this? A LOT of
reasons, in fact. Look back to the SIMPLIFICAITON/COMPLICATION e-mail
thread...what caused my problems? Making things more complicated than they
actually were -- and thinking about them too much. And the more I think
about things the more I confuse myself. Sorta like a rubiks cube. Or a
200-ft long string of tangled-up christmas lights. My most intelligent and
creative ideas come to me naturally. I just "come up" with them out of
nowhere -- I NEVER think them out. Strangely enough, a lot of my ideas are
originated in my dreams. I guess that's why I like to schleep a lot :)

But here is another very interesting observation, if anyone cares to read
about it. I have been playing Tetris (the old Nintendo game) here for the
last few days. I've noticed a some really weird patterns: I would start at
like Level 7 for the first 80 lines, mess up quite a bit. Then once I got
done with those 80 and I went to level 8, 9 and 10 all the little "holes"
and everything disappeared because I was fitting all the blocks absolutely
perfectly. Why? Because I didn't have a chance to THINK about where I was
putting them. My brain just sorta naturally told me where to put them and I
never thought about it. This is absolutely bizarre. Which sorta enforces
my argument that "I thrive on instability, or pressure". Because of the
fact that I don't have time to think about things -- I just make
decisions -- intelligent ones without any time to analyze or brainstorm.
What the hell does this all mean? I dunno...maybe I need professsional
help, or I can just keep playing this game. It's sorta fun in a way, but it
can get very frustrating too. Oh well, I got another good 100-120 years
left on this planet (or maybe less) so in that period of time I'll have time
to THINK about things :)

...And I can't get it out of my head...no no....no noooooo.....
-Chris A. Czaplicki